Episode 2 - Life At School As One Of Jehovah's Witnesses

This JW Life

My life had changed as my parents became Jehovah's Witnesses. This episode deals with my new life at school and how that progressed throughout the years to adulthood. How did I interact with other kids? What was I unable to do anymore? How do Jehovah's Witnesses view education? Direct Download Here [expand title="Click Here To Show Transcript"] [00:01:51] So when we left off last time my life was just starting to change. At around eight or nine years old we just moved into a new house next door to Jehovah's Witnesses. I was attending a new school when we were starting to become involved and going to meetings with my mom. Holidays were starting to become an issue because there are a new faith and of course I think I'd mentioned had just about failed the third grade Well both of my parents were now official baptized Jehovah's Witnesses and that is when things started to really change. There's an illustration that Jehovah's Witnesses liked to give from the platform and there talks about a spring and this spring is used to illustrate essentially what a parent child relationship should be like. So if you have a spring and you compress it or crush it down between your fingers and you suddenly let go of that spring what's going to happen the spring is going to fly off uncontrollably in whatever direction. [00:02:49] But if you take that spring and you crush it down and then you gradually release that spring you can control the direction that that spring is released in and that's how they view children you see much like that spring have to be crushed there to be crushed it held down and controlled. And even when they are let go is to be in a controlled manner. Children are there almost like property to have your whatever it is that you exercised upon that child. So what we're going to do right now is take a look at my childhood and see how like that spring I was crushed. Basically the way that we're going to examine this first is through the lens of schooling and what happened at school the very first thing that I faced at school was a huge challenge that all children of Jehovah's Witnesses face the dreaded pledge of allegiance or national anthem. You see Jehovah's Witnesses believe in only pledging allegiance to God. They would never pledge allegiance to or express love for country. They don't believe in nationalism whatsoever. And so as children when going to school and every day we start out with the Pledge of Allegiance. When I was in elementary school or the national anthem as I progressed and got to high school those were ceremonies that I could not partake in. [00:04:31] So if if it came down to children standing and reciting the pledge I could stand and show respect. But I was not allowed to put my hand over my heart or say the pledge. If children were standing for the national anthem and my standing would not stand out as different than I was to sit down. So it really goes to show that what it is it's about being different. It's not about having some specific moral stance that you know this is how Jehovah's Witnesses do it. We were just not supposed to be like the majority. And so my teachers for the most part were accepting of that boundary but there were some over the years that I really didn't like it. And I mean I can't blame them now in retrospect but as a kid that was all I knew. So some gave me a hard time. Some made me stand out in the hallway while all the kids did that so I had to traipse in and out of the classroom in front of everybody. I had one teacher who really got upset and yelled at me and sent me to the counselors office and we had to have a talk with the counselor and then I guess they were afraid of lawsuits or something because of religious freedom so that teacher no longer gave me a hard time. [00:05:57] But you know just put yourself in the position of a small child going to school knowing that every day you're going to start out your day by having to take a stand for your faith. Of course as a child you're going to feel proud of that at a point. But it's it's still going to be awkward. There's just no way around that. And you're always going to feel different. Then there was the issue of holidays. So in school of course we're going to be holiday parties and holiday activities. I wasn't allowed to participate in any of those. So while kids were coloring their picture of a Christmas tree I was given some alternative projects to color while kids were learning Christmas songs. I was given something else to learn. [00:06:52] Or in the case of one music teacher she decided that she wanted me to bring in our songbooks singing praises to Jehovah for Jehovah's Witnesses and I brought in that song book and my teacher looked through it and found a song for me to memorize. It was called a prayer of thanksgiving. I think she thought it had to do with Thanksgiving the holiday. Whatever the case I don't remember her name but I'd like to thank Mrs whatever her name was for furthering my indoctrination and making me memorize one of Jehovah's Witnesses songs. [00:07:27] I wasn't able to even discuss. You know when kids come home or come back to school after being home for the holidays you know they're all excited they're talking about gifts they got they're talking about family things they did and I never had anything to talk about because I didn't have any of that in high school. We were not allowed to attend pep rallies or we were we were highly discouraged the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses has a great way of discouraging things without making direct rules that way they can say well we never said that later and leave enough gray area. [00:08:08] But we all knew what they said and pep rallies were 100 percent discouraged. I did go to some on occasion. Honestly they were quite fun. I loved the pep rallies but it was one of those things where again allegiance or glory these things were only to go to Jehovah God and not to be given to nationalism on a country level. And I guess you can take it all the way down to the high school level. So school school spirit was seen as a bad thing. I and other witnesses would often go to the lunchroom and work on schoolwork during pep rallies as a punishment for not attending. We were monitored and they made sure we didn't have fun or talk. I went to like I said I went through a few pep rallies over the years for big games. They were fun but there was always this twinge of same in the back of my mind for attending I also wasn't allowed to participate in any after school activities. There is a scripture if I remember correctly I think it's first Corinthians 15:33 and it simply says bad associations spoil useful habits. [00:09:28] And if you were not one of Jehovah's Witnesses you were quote bad association. Therefore I couldn't spend time after school associating with other children because they were labeled bad association. It really did impact my high school years because there were things that I wanted to do. For instance I majored in electronics in high school and I wanted to attend some robotics conventions or competitions but I knew I couldn't participate so that was out. Heck even I couldn't even discuss or be there for the class on in biology class and we were discussing evolution. I had to kind of sit that one out as I mentioned before. As far as the association I couldn't really be friends with kids at school anymore I could be friendly but I couldn't really be friends with them. However I was encouraged as all Jehovah's Witnesses children were to use the children as school as my own personal territory and I was encouraged to preach to them. So it wasn't enough just to stand out for all these other reasons. But Jehovah's Witness children are encouraged to see this. This school the classroom the classmates as a field ripe for the harvesting. So we were encouraged to bring our publications or a Bible to school to read these things in the open so that maybe we would draw interest and so that if the opportunity presented itself we could preach to your children or you back in the day so I did start performing better academically. [00:11:25] If you remember I had said that I almost failed the third grade one a fourth grade. I made the honor roll all year A's and B's and the fifth grade I made straight A's and looking back I think that the perfectionistic messages at the meetings were starting to get to me. You see Jehovah's Witnesses like I've mentioned before a very performance driven organization and their doctrines and their speech are very perfectionistic very all or nothing in black and white. Now correlation isn't necessarily causation but in this case the correlation sure does add up to the sudden change in my academic prowess. Now that doesn't mean that all Jehovah's Witness kids excel academically but there must have been something that I had inside of me that was triggered during that time. And honestly I have always struggled with perfectionism thereafter thereafter I managed to stay on the honor roll for most of middle school and high school. I finished as a salutatorian with a 3.9 6 GPA and yeah I had one B in those four years. I'm still bitter over that to some degree because I was supposed to take geometry class before algebra 2 but the advanced geometry class was full so I was put into the Advanced Algebra II class and it is based on geometry. So I kind of came in last but I managed to catch up and squeak to be out of it. But I still kind of wish I could have gotten straight A's through all of high school. While we're on the subject let's go ahead and look at the role of education in the cult. [00:13:08] Jehovah's Witnesses see education as a means to an end a governmental requirement. If nothing else college is highly discouraged the cult will boast of the academic achievements among their members. And yes there are lawyers and doctors among the ranks but what they are and what they are never going to tell you is that those people became lawyers or doctors before they ever met Jehovah's Witnesses so they like to leave that out because it makes it sound like you know look at us. We have we have these educated people in our midst. But the reality is that it's just happenstance. It's because they became Jehovah's witnesses later. According to Pew Research polls Jehovah's Witnesses are the lowest educated religion with the lowest average income. The way they see education of course is that it will lead to more income. They also think that people go to college for personal glory to become rich and famous that they paint this picture of college and the way they see the world around them. Jehovah's Witnesses are essentially what you would call a doomsday cult. Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the world is going to end imminently. [00:14:36] And as they would like to say why would you invest in a titanic it's sinking. This world is a sinking ship. So why would you ever put more into it than you absolutely had to. In fact some in the congregations have actually been counseled for going to college because again I mean Jehovah's Witnesses technically have free will but there's a lot of undue influence and pressure put upon the members to conform. And so in cases where for instance I knew of a case where there was an elder in the congregation. One of the leaders of the congregation and his daughter went to college. She made that decision and he was removed as an elder in the congregation. They stripped him of his title and privileges privileges as they call it responsibilities as more accurate. They stripped him of this because he wasn't setting a proper example because he couldn't control that spring. And that daughter went off to college. They have over time kind of loosened their propaganda against college they kind of go back and forth a little bit. But when I'm talking about college they absolutely pretty much condemn a four year school. But if you want to take a two year trade school or technical school or that kind of higher education is OK. But let's let's add the caveat here that that kind of education is ok so long as it is used to quote further Kingdom interests. Now I understand if you're if you've never been associated with Jehovah's Witnesses you have. You may not have any idea what quote furthering Kingdom interest means. [00:16:44] What it essentially boils down to is Jehovah's Witnesses really put a lot of pressure on young people to serve while they are young. To put more time into the organization while they are young they make it sound as though they want you to do so because you're young and you're vibrant. But at least in retrospect what I believe is that they actually just want you to do this while you're young at that critical stage of your life where you're starting to gain that independence so that you can be controlled so that they can keep you in the fold because if you were to go off to college and learn things like oh I don't know critical thinking skills you might see that as a colt and leave so the goals that they hold out for young people are. There are several. The main goal would be to what's called Pioneer and pioneering is to devote X amount of hours per year at a time when I was young it was a thousand hours per year you would basically sign an agreement and commit to going out knocking on doors witnessing or preaching to people for 1000 hours a year which boiled down to about 90 hours a month. Of course this is unpaid. It's completely volunteer and you have to be able to support yourself in it. The other thing is that they might have you do would be to they would encourage you to go to Bethel. Bethel at the time when I was young was Brooklyn Bethel. It has since moved to another area of New York and it's Was the world headquarters of Jehovah's Witnesses and there were primarily young men. [00:18:42] There were some young women who would go to Bethel they would volunteer they would live there they would serve there by performing duties. You know they were always printing presses to run and things to clean and they just supported the organization at the central hub at the headquarters of the organization and essentially devoted their entire life at that point to what they were just completely immersed in it. Another goal that was held out was Gilliatt school. Gilliatt is a school for missionaries and so we all know what a missionary is some Don't spend too much time here. But essentially it was just to go and learn whatever they wanted you to learn so that you could go into other countries and start new congregations or further the preaching of what they saw as the good news of God's kingdom. And finally a goal that they would offer would be to move where the need is greater. So I live in the United States. There might be some usually rural areas but sometimes there's areas in big cities as well where they have a shortage of people there and they need brothers and sisters to come in and help run congregations and help those congregations grow. [00:20:08] So let's look at how this impacted me. [00:20:12] I personally turned down scholarships to potentially pursue an engineering degree. I never took the S.A.T. or I'm not even sure I might have taken the PSAT I can't remember. I never took the ACTC. [00:20:28] The reason I didn't is because essentially the way you are looked upon is if you were to pursue college you were seen as unspiritual. You were seen as a person who was letting everyone down. You were letting God down. [00:20:46] God was disappointed in you ans. [00:20:52] It's really it's hard to express the pressure that is put on these young people at this critical moment of their lives to pursue a course that the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses want you to pursue. At the expense of attaining any type of higher education. It's it's it's really hard to express this if you've never been there. Of course I wanted to go to college. I would have loved the challenge of learning new things and putting all the math I learned into use. And honestly as a perfectionist and a master of an individual I'm sure I would have excelled in those fields but it's the desire to feel good enough in an organization that strips you of your self-esteem and self-worth that leads you down a path to where your self-worth is only received through them where the only way you can feel good is if you do what they want you to do. Because if you don't they will make you miserable. That is a tough thing to face. I do have to admit now as I near 40 years old that's I do have some regrets there. I had some teachers who were deeply disappointed in me for not going to college I had counselors who were constantly telling me what I was capable of. And and I had literature sent to me from all kinds of colleges not even Honestly I don't even know how they got my name or any information about me because I never even took the test. But somehow they wanted me to attend their colleges and I was very torn at that exact same time I was attending high school. [00:23:15] And like I said earlier majoring in electronics and I count out my senior year. They the school told me that if I wanted to because I was excelling academically I could go work half a day at a place that was electronics focused. And that's what I did. I went out I hustled I had to find my own place but I found a company that was willing to hire me as a high school student to come in and fix electronics. I repaired microwaves and TVs and VCR as I installed satellite dishes and while I was working at that place in that strip mall there was a pawnshop where I would go buy CDs at times. And so one day I was in there and I was talking with the owner and he found out what I did that I worked a few doors down repairing electronics and had a business opportunity for me. At the time pagers were the big thing and he was going to and eventually did open up a chain of pager repair and sales mobile accessories and all everything that comes along with that. And so he offered me a store. He offered me my own store and that he would send me off to schooling. I don't know I believe it was in Pennsylvania I can't remember to learn the ins and outs of these devices so that I could run this store and I turned that down as well because I had to go pioneer and go knock on doors for a thousand thousand dollars. I wish I was paid a thousand dollars a thousand hours for that for that year. And so that's what I did. [00:25:13] I went in I pioneered well. So how'd that go. It was miserable. It was awful. I was the only one brother who was pioneering at the time. Brothers and Sisters at the congregation that I attended don't mix a lot. So I spent a lot of time working by myself going out knocking on doors which is a very lonely proposition. I had to work several jobs. It's not like I came from a wealthy family or a family that was even middle class so I didn't have anything any money that I needed had to come from me. I had no support. So I had to furnish my car that was getting driven miles all over the area that I had as our territory for our congregation knocking on doors calling back on people trying to start Bible studies and it costs a lot of money. Eventually I started getting into debt. I was working part time at night from five to nine several nights a week telemarketing. I delivered newspapers every morning seven days a week. I also delivered a local trader publication on Thursday mornings and I eventually just burned out there's there's only so many hours in the day that a person can do can be working. I was not only working getting up at you know three or four in the morning so that I could go deliver newspapers. Then I would be home around 7:00. I would take a shower. I get dressed in my suit. I'd be at the Kingdom Hall at 9:00 9:30. We would go out go out and knock on doors till around three sometimes four go home. [00:27:15] I would then change clothes go to work from five to nine telemarketing and that was my schedule pretty much every day. The only change was on Tuesday and Thursday nights instead of going and working in telemarketing. I had meetings to attend because there were meetings Tuesday Thursday and Sunday. So that was my life. That's all I did. And to be honest it turned me into a very angry person. I remember one time my dad telling me at the Kaina Malis said he came up to me and my dad was not wanted to try to impart wisdom or really show that he cared very much but he came up one day and said Mike you know nobody ever or everybody thinks you don't like them. Like everybody thinks you're mad at them. And I was I was mad at the world because I was being incredibly inauthentic. I didn't know that I was I was pushed into this whole situation and groomed for this since I was a child which all of these poor kids are so in the next episode we're going to get a life after that age or not in the next episode but eventually we will get to that age 18 19 and you know into young adult or into adulthood what that looks like. But next week I'm going to do is go deep into what was happening at home. Now I'm going to be honest I've kind of been bombed out for pretty much the last week. A little depressed because I've been thinking about this and writing this stuff down making notes things that are popping up in my memory. [00:29:07] And you know honestly it's it's not a it's not a happy memory it's not a pleasant thing to face but it's the reality of my life and it's the reality of what so many Jehovah's Witness children face as their daily life. The names change some circumstances change but there are certain things that are consistent. And then after that I'm going to get into my life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses as a young person itself. What. Going to meetings was like what I was learning and then what. Going out and knocking on doors was like and everything that was involved there. And when I do that then you're really going to see everything tied together because that life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses was the nucleus of everything literally everything else revolved around it. [/expand]