Ep:27 Pastor Carlie Clark, Parenting Girls from Tots to Teens

The Full Life Podcast with Melanie Lynam

Carlie is a Pastor, counsellor, mum of 3 teenage girls and wife to Darren. She is totally passionate about people and listening to them. She is one of the most in love with Jesus people that you will ever meet and really exudes His love and grace and joy. On this episode we have such a good conversation about parenting girls. Some of the topics we cover are - parenting in the younger years, the importance of having open and honest conversations, social media, phones, clothes, boys, peer pressure, friends, alcohol, building self esteem, and we even have some tips in there for parenting boys too. Now I do have to let you know that some of the words we use may not be appropriate for little ears when we start talking about boys so I would recommend you do listen to this episode when there are no little kiddies within earshot. Parenting is very personal - as you know - and a lot of people hold different opinions about how to parent our children. Carlie is sharing out of her own experience, faith and values. While I don’t necessarily agree with everything that Carlie says, I love love loved this interview and personally received so much out of it for my own parenting journey. I definitely plan on coming back to this episode years from now to remind myself of her golden advice. So if you find something that Carlie says doesn’t sit well with you for your family then that’s ok, put that aside. I know that Carlie would agree with me when I say keep what you want to keep and put aside what you don’t want. Now without any further adieu, here is my conversation with Pastor Carlie Clark.

Cultivate conversation around the dinner table, never eat dinner in front of tv. Nothing is out of bounds to talk about.

Social media - “If you put enough trust, honesty and communication into your relationship it’s not really an age thing it’s where are they at…on their maturity level…each child is very different.”

Relationship with Jesus
Carlie always wanted to focus on demonstrating a relationship with Jesus over teaching rules. “Love sets the boundary.” “As much as I talk about Him (Jesus) I make sure it’s in an abundant and grace-filled way and not in a law giving way.”

Peer pressure
Have the conversations with them the whole way through. Healthy self esteem, love themselves. Do you think good thought about yourself? That is the most important thing. Carlie would talk to them about drugs.

Self esteem.
Pick their gifting. Tell them who they are. Identity. That content “Do you know who you are? You’re so good at this…” Really notice those things that they’re different with and point them out. Tell them they’re pretty, especially Daddy. Compliment them on what their gifting is

Mental health

Teenagers suffer the most from isolation. They need that support from their peers. She has never used taking their phones as punishments because they need to stay connected. She wants her kids to talk frustrations out with their friends and sisters, even about Mum and Dad. Boys need to hang out.
Alcohol
It is very different for each household. Carlie and Darren let their daughter taste alcohol at 15 or 16 so they don’t like it. But don’t want it to be a big ‘hidden treasure’.
Sibling rivalry

It’s part of growing up. It has no bearing on their relationship later on. It’s jus part of being little. We all do that differently. It got to the point when she let them sort it out. But if turned into something huge stepped in. “What’s it like experiencing you?” “What was it like for them?” Just accept it’s what they do.

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