When Words Don't Match Actions: How to Heal From Toxic Relationships

Lessons for Life With Gramma Kate

What matters more—what someone says to you, or what they do?

In this episode, I share what I’ve learned the hard way about trust, betrayal, and how to start healing from toxic relationships. From childhood to adulthood, we’re shaped by the gap between words and actions. When someone’s words sound right but their behaviour tells a different story, it’s not just frustrating, it’s damaging. And over time, it chips away at our self-trust and even our nervous system.

I’ll talk about how to recognize incongruence in relationships, especially when someone seems like a “nice guy” in public but acts completely different behind closed doors. I’ll also share how to begin healing not through grand gestures, but through small, grounded actions that help you rebuild alignment between what you say and do.

Whether you’re in the middle of a toxic dynamic or working to recover from one, this episode will help you stop second-guessing your experience and start choosing actions that reflect who you truly are.

Key Takeaways:

✅ Words matter—but only when they’re backed by consistent actions
✅ Betrayal isn’t just emotional; it impacts your brain and body
✅ Children depend on words early on, but grow to trust actions more later
✅ Toxic relationships often include patterns of apology without change
✅ You can stop participating in unhealthy cycles by choosing different actions
✅ Healing starts when you stop betraying yourself to keep the peace
✅ Incongruence between how someone acts in public vs. private is a major red flag in a toxic relationship

Resources & Links:

🔹 Click for From Overwhelmed to Empowered - How to Set Boundaries – Learn how to set and enforce boundaries confidently!
🔹 Follow me on YouTube for More Episodes
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Change begins with ourselves!

Children’s Books:

• Finding Lily’s Inner Magic: A Tale of Building Confidence
• Lily’s Journey to Forgiveness: Letting Go of Hurt and Anger
• Finding Jack’s Magic Within: A Lesson About Kindness
• Consistency is Key: Self-Care Tips with Lily & Zach
• I Believe You: Self-Care When Your Parent Struggles Emotionally

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DISCLAIMER

The Lessons For Life With Gramma Kate Podcast and content posted by Cathy Barker are presented solely for general information, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have. They should seek the assistance of their healthcare professional for any such conditions.