225: How to stop shaming your child

Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

I know it can be really (really) difficult to bridge the gap between being the kind of parent we want to be, and the kind of parent we're able to be in the moments when our kids do things we find difficult.

We might know that we want our kids to receive a message of unconditional love and acceptance, but when they do something like hitting their sibling and we respond: "Why would you DO that?!", or handle them roughly, or even spank them, that the message they are receiving may not be one of unconditional love and acceptance.

Parent Jody joined the Parenting Membership and in the moments when he was able to stay regulated, the new tools helped him to navigate his kids' behavior more effectively. But when he got triggered by something like sibling hitting (because seeing a child get hit is triggering when you were hit as a child), then he would default back to what he called "autopilot parenting," and he would yell at his kids, shame them, and spank them - just like his parents had done to him.

So he signed up for the Taming Your Triggers workshop, and in just a few weeks, Jody started to share his 'wins.'

🚗 There was the time he was able to create a pause when his kids started fighting in the back seat instead of exploding at them.

🛁 He was able to identify his needs, and his children's needs when they were throwing water out of the bath all over the floor, and find a strategy that met both of their needs.

🧸 And then there was the time when his son had smuggled four of his bedtime toys under his school uniform to the car, and Jody immediately saw that his wife was having a hard time because she didn't want the toys to be dirty, and she also didn't want the bedtime shit-show that was going to happen if the toys were still in the wash.

His initial attempt to help his wife fell flat, and she angrily said: "Don't talk to me like a child!". He regrouped, and the phrase he used to defuse the situation deeply touched many of us in the Taming Your Triggers community when he shared it with us. He found a way to meet THREE people's needs in that situation, and was justifiably proud of himself. 🎉

If you want your kids to experience unconditional love and acceptance but you don't know how to make that happen in the difficult moments, I'd so love to work with you in the Taming Your Triggers workshop.

I know it's risky to put yourself out there and admit that you're having a hard time.

There's always the concern that these tools might work for Jody, and still not work for you - you might have some failing that means you can't use the tools, even if they work for other parents.

You might also worry that the tools won't work for your neurodivergent/sensitive/etc. kid.

I totally get those concerns. And...at the end of the day, we're all people - and all people have needs. I can help you heal from the hurts you've experienced and get your needs met more of the time, and then you'll feel triggered less often. I'm so confident about this that I guarantee it - if you aren't happy with your experience in the workshop for any reason, at any time, we'll give you 100% of your money back. (Plus we have multiple pricing options to make it affordable in the first place).

🎁 And as an extra bonus for you: Jody will be a peer coach in the Taming Your Triggers workshop this time around - because sometimes the person you learn from most effectively is the person who was standing where you are right now just a year ago.

Click the image below to learn more and sign up. Enrollment open September 29-October 9, 2024.

Jump to Highlights

00:45 Introducing today’s guest 01:28 Jody shifted from "Always tired" to "Actively seeking rest" after years of exhaustion from raising four kids and realizing the need to prioritize rest. 02:52 Jody realized his strict upbringing influenced his parenting, but the Your Parenting Mojo podcast helped him recognize the need for change. 05:38 Jody joined the Parenting Membership seeking easier parenting solutions, but after struggling with triggers and reverting to old habits, he realized he needed Taming Your Triggers to better manage his own emotions. 09:22 Jody describes a breakthrough from the Taming Your Triggers course, where he learned to pause during a tense moment with his kids, choosing calm over impulsive reaction. 23:47 Jody views parenting as part of his identity, not a job, allowing him to connect with his kids while fulfilling his own needs. 30:00 Jody appreciated the AccountaBuddy process for its non-judgmental space to discuss parenting challenges, which fostered connection and emotional relief. 33:38 Jody describes how the Taming Your Triggers workshop enabled him to shift from seeking forgiveness to accepting his parents as they are, leading to a more peaceful family dynamic during a visit. 44:59 Jody shares three simple practices for managing triggers.