S3E24: Is “Caligula” The Worst Dirty Movie Ever?

The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast

Join us as we revisit a perfect example of How NEVER To Make A Movie, perhaps the worst dirty movie ever, CALIGULA (Roger Ebert certainly thought it was and who are we to argue?). How did this immortal fiasco happen? Didn’t all those famous actors like JOHN GIELGUD, PETER O’TOOLE, HELEN MIRREN and especially MALCOLM MCDOWELL know what they were signing onto? Why did the movie’s author, GORE VIDAL, take his name off the movie entirely (when it was supposed to be called “Gore Vidal’s Caligula”)?

Our mission with The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast has always been to give our audience a truly inside baseball, nuts-n-bolts view of the process that goes into making movies and TV shows with an especial focus on what happens when all that film-making craft turns to crap.

It’s easy to be mediocre. Hell, anyone can do that.

Excellence v Suckage

Excelling at things is much harder. It requires work – and that’s regardless of whether the work product being produced is good or bad.

I speak from painful experience.

I worked my ass off making Bordello Of Blood – and I knew it was going to suck even as I made it.

Okay – I think it sucks. Its audience doesn’t.

But, making that movie was an unpleasant, unsatisfying and unrewarding experience in every way up until the moment we started making this podcast about it.

As I think about other examples of “How Not To Make A Movie”, plenty spring to mind.

Mediocrity Is EVERYWHERE!

Like I said – mediocrity is everywhere. Good thing, too.

If everyone was excellent all the time?

Excellence would be the new mediocrity and who needs to work that hard?

There have been plenty of bad film-makers who wanted to make GOOD movies but… simply lacked the talent – or any grasp whatsoever of the cinematic language.

And there have been and are film makers who don’t actually speak it.

Guys like ED WOOD – a man who couldn’t even achieve mediocrity he was so untalented – made nothing but bad movies.

It’s perfectly understandable that Ed Wood and his movies define suckage. And that’s why – to me – guys like Ed Wood can’t possibly count here.

There’s low hanging fruit and then there’s them. Even the bugs and mold don’t want them.

How NOT To Make A Porno

A year ago, we published this episode about the making of Caligula – How NOT To Make A Porno”.

It’s been a very popular episode.

If you’ve heard or seen it already – I’m biased of course – but, I think you’ll find it’s worth another listen.

The story of how Caligula got made is that batshit crazy.

If you haven’t heard it yet, you’re in for an even bigger treat.

It’s the story of a man and a vision. And a lot of very talented people. And a disconnect. The result?

A movie so stunningly bad, it takes your breath away.

And, while you’re watching it? The will to live.

Anyone Can Do It…?

These days, anyone can make a movie. Anyone can make a porno. Lots do!

Audiences have high expectations from movies. That’s why screwing them up is so easy.

But, screwing up a porno?

WTF!

Set up the camera and walk away. You’ll still make a porno better than Caligula.

That’s why we celebrate an achievement as orgasmically bad as Caligula.

Its tortured story demands to be told again and again. And again.

This is one of those pieces of history no one wants anyone repeating.

Please – enjoy one of our most popular episodes ever (about making the worst dirty movie ever), “How NOT To Make A Porno – the story of making CALIGULA”.