The Messiness in Grief

The Gathering: Daughters of the Living King

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I frequently find that life catches us off guard with its different seasons. Grief intrudes into our lives, whether it’s through the loss of a loved one because of death, or the heartbreaking end of a relationship. When grief and loss come into our lives, it isn’t something that comes and goes in an orderly fashion – you don’t simply get over a loss in a predetermined period. And what can hurt even more than the initial grief is when well-meaning people around us begin to feel that we might be grieving too long.

During a season of grief, I have found that it’s imperative to rely on God and on friends who can love and support me. Often, I have people say that I will see my loved one again and to rejoice in that. But sometimes people forget that Christians do grieve during a loss. Paul gives believers the truth about life and death in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 when he says, ‘that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.’

As Christians we don’t grieve for believers who have died in the same way as unbelievers grieve—but as Christians, we do still grieve. Grief is still grief—it hurts keenly. Yes, the pain is greatly eased by knowing that our loved ones are blissfully happy, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are not here with us and we miss them greatly. We are glad for our loved ones, but we are sad for ourselves.

Death is an unnatural intruder into God’s world. It is the penalty of sin on the human race. And it hurts. Sometimes Christians can give the impression that grieving is a lack of faith. But Jesus himself wept at the death of his friend, Lazarus. Grieving is good—it’s evidence that we loved the person who has died, that they meant a lot to us, and that we are the poorer for having lost them. Isn’t that the conclusion onlookers drew about Jesus’ relationship to Lazarus in John 11:5-6 says “Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him?”

The grief of losing someone we love is something almost every person goes through. It is the love they shared that makes the death so hard to bear. Being a Christian does not shield a person from the sadness of bereavement and the sense of loss. It is not wrong to grieve. It is not a sign of physical or spiritual weakness or failure. But amid the pain, Christians have hope and comfort to help them as they grieve. Christianity teaches that God knows all of humanity, right down to the number of hairs on our heads. In one of his most famous passages of teaching, Jesus talked about grief. In the book of Matthew (chapter 5 verse 4) Jesus says ‘blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted...’

To be blessed is to experience a deep sense of peace and joy. God cares deeply for everyone and hears all who call out to him.

The following verses are a few of my favorites in seasons of grief:

Psalm 30:5 says “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning”

Psalm 34:18 says “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”
Psalm 147:3 says “He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.”
You know, at the end of all things, God will make things right. Just like when we are going through darkness, having a light with us makes all the difference in the world. And in our present moments of crying, pain, and mourning, it is a comfort for us to know that this present world and way of things shall come to pass, and EVERY tear will be wiped from our eyes. This present darkness will not last forever, no matter how deep and unrelenting it may seem. Death has been defeated.

1 Corinthians 15:54-55 says “Death is swallowed up in victory”. “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”