#74 The Fawn Response

The Focus Cast

00:00 Intro
01:41 Intro music
03:10 What is the fawn response
08:00 Why revert to fawn response
10:00 Enmeshment
16:00 Characteristics of fawn response
37:15 Why are we talking about it

INTRO TO FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE & FAWN

• Intro freeze episode and how it came up
• What is the Fawn Response?
  • Pete Walker, psychotherapist and author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving wrote: The fawn response is “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.”
  • Psych Central:
  • Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your own needs to serve others to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval.
  • Fawning is also called the “please and appease” response and is associated with people-pleasing and codependency.
• Why do we revert to Fawn Response?
  • Childhood Trauma
  • Complex Trauma (war trauma)
  • Fawning is particularly linked with relational trauma or trauma that occurred in the context of a relationship
    • Abuse: harmful experiences that could be physical, sexual, or emotional in nature
    • Neglect: trauma as a result of things that didn‘t happen, such as physical or emotional neglect
    • Enmeshment: a lack of boundaries between family members that can impair a child’s independence and sense of self
• Let's talk about Enmeshment
  • Enmeshment is a description of a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear.
  • You grow up in this environment and then you go to a job where there is no clear direction on what is required of you but you get yelled at if you fuck something up.
    • eFactory, “50% of employees across all sectors currently lack role clarity in the workplace.” (source is selling something, so…)
• Is Fawn Your Response?
  • stifling your own needs
  • finding authentic self-expression challenging
  • flying under the radar
  • having trouble saying “no”
  • over-apologizing
  • holding back opinions or preferences that might seem controversial
  • experiencing chronic pain or illness
  • having depression, which can be linked with trauma
  • trouble with personal boundaries
  • assuming responsibility for the emotional reactions and responses of others
  • fixing or rescuing people from their problems
  • attempting to control other’s choices to maintain a sense of emotional safety
  • denying your own discomfort, complaints, pain, needs, and wants
  • changing your preferences to align with others
• Why Are We Talking About This on a Focus Podcast?
  • Well, we are talking about it because of a therapy session, but…
  • Bryan… I wonder… out of all the people who stop and start businesses, I wonder how many just mentally murder themselves because of childhood trauma….
  • The Fawn response is absolutely sucking your focus. You literally are losing yourself trying to appease others.
  • National Institute for Children’s Health and Safety: Nearly half of American children—are exposed to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that can severely harm their future health and well-being. As a manager or owner, half of your employees experienced real trauma…