48: Love & Attachment | Chapter 5 | Minding The Brain Towards Change

The Emil Barna Podcast

In this episode, psychotherapist Emil Barna reads the revised fifth chapter to his 2017 book Minding The Brain Towards Change: What Willpower Really Means For Addiction.
Here is a snippet from the book:
"Professor Michael Poulin of the University of California and his colleagues investigated how giving to others impacts a person’s stress levels and, ultimately, mortality risk.62 Their research found that those who compassionately aided a friend or family member when they were stressed, had a significantly lower mortality rate than those who chose not to help. Let me say that again: those who helped others in times of need were less likely to die, even if they experienced the same amount of stress as those who didn’t help. Helping others buffered against the effects of stress, and increased life expectancy by 30%! We can call this ‘the Good Samaritan effect.’"
—Chapter Summary

Main Points

• English has a restricted vocabulary for the description of love. Therefore, getting to know the nuances between couple love, family love, friendly love, and transcendent love will give a person with addiction a better grasp of how to put relationships at the forefront of their recovery.
• Understanding how one relates to another is pivotal to moving forward in life, especially when considering addiction. One would do well to consider their own attachment style, as this serves as the template for future relationships. Secure attachments to others fuel self-regulation and strong relationships.
• The stress response is the body’s way of getting you ready for action. It is important, however, to consider how one views this stress response. Those who view stress as a potential positive navigate it better than those who do not. It is also the stressful times that one could connect with others, bolstering their overall physical and mental well-being.

Practical Considerations

• Find a trusted other to connect with when you are under the pump. If you do not have this other, consider counselling. And shop around if you don’t immediately connect with the first therapist you see. Just like doctors, you will not always connect with every therapist. You must find the right fit. You should know if your therapist is right for you within the first few sessions.
• When stressed, ask yourself, “What is my body trying to tell me?” The body is very communicative. For example, if one feels tension from the waist up (e.g. heightened heart rate, shoulder tension, neck pain, clenched fists, sharpened focus), the body is preparing to fight. From the waist down (e.g. restless legs, stiff joints, trembling in the thighs, the urge to run), the body is preparing for flight. Locating these sensations and responding to them can put one in a better position to move forward.

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