40 - Is Fighting Normal? What Most Couples Get Wrong

Anger Management

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Is it normal to fight with someone you love? Absolutely. But how you fight makes all the difference. In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs — joined by AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah — explores what healthy conflict actually looks like.

You’ll discover how even difficult arguments can become turning points for connection, growth, and trust when you approach them with the right tools and mindset.

Key Takeaways:

Arguments are normal — and not a sign of failure. Conflict happens in every relationship. The goal isn’t to avoid arguments, but to navigate them respectfully and constructively.

Most fights aren’t about the dishes. Beneath many arguments lies an unmet emotional need — like feeling unheard, unvalued or disconnected.

Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness. Phrasing like “I feel hurt when...” keeps the focus on your experience and prevents blame from derailing the conversation.

Listen to understand, not to win. By slowing down and really hearing your partner, you create space for empathy, not escalation.

Work together to find solutions. Approach conflict as teammates, not opponents — and look for resolutions that work for both of you.

Repair matters. Apologising, owning your part and reconnecting after a fight builds safety and deepens trust over time.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Control Your Anger in 7 Days

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System