How to Say No When Everyone Else Wants Yes

Faithful on the Clock

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In this episode...

How to Say No When Everyone Else Wants Yes

https://faithfulontheclock.captivate.fm/episode/how-to-say-no-when-everyone-else-wants-yes

Getting ahead at work isn’t always about being a yes (wo)man. Episode 86 of Faithful on the Clock outlines the importance of saying no and explains how to do it in a positive way.

Timestamps:

[00:04] - Intro

[00:45] - Most people have instances where they need to say no to others. This skill is essential, even when there might be good reasons to say yes.

[01:34] - No is important because it serves as a boundary word. It keeps people from carrying what they shouldn’t and defines where one person stops and another begins. This definition of the self is important in leadership because it allows you to withstand challenges and build trust.

[03:04] - Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life is an excellent book to learn more about effective boundary setting that can serve God. The authors explain how good boundaries function like a strong fence with a gate. If you build this type of fence, it is just as healthy for others as it is for you.

[05:20] - John 14:14 must not be misunderstood to mean that God cannot say no. He can and does. Like Jesus’ prayer in Gesthemane, what we ask for must be aligned with His will.

[07:00] - People have two big worries about saying no: They worry that the other person will think badly of them for being a troublemaker, and they worry that saying no will create problems they won’t be able to overcome.

[08:10] - Tactic #1: Offer a rationale for your no to prevent the other person from taking your answer too personally. Paul stressed the rationality of his argument when on trial.

[09:17] - Tactic #2: Tell the other person what you need to make your no a yes. This tactic is helpful for teaching others what’s helpful or satisfying to you.

[10:27] - Tactic #3 - Present a choice between two options. Emphasize what you CAN do as you present the choices. This tactic is excellent for helping the other person learn to prioritize and take accountability.

[12:22] - Tactic #4 - Provide an alternative rather than a choice. This tactic allows you to both enforce your boundary and advocate for others who are capable.

[13:43] - Tactic #5 - Identify the specific commands or characteristics of God you’re upholding by saying no. This tactic helps give you conviction to continue with your refusal because you know with certainty you are working within God’s values.

[15:13] - Being a Christian is difficult. If you must, choose God and continue your no, rather than continuing in a job or other place where you would have to deny Him.

[16:35] - Prayer

[17:09] - Outro/What’s coming up next

Key takeaways:

• Most of us have been in situations where we wanted to say no but felt like we couldn’t. But no is a valuable boundary word. It helps people be authentic, loving, and accountable, and it outlines where one person stops and another begins. That helps you as a Christian and more generally as a leader because it enables you to stand with a powerful backbone.
• The book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend describes the importance of boundaries and how to fix them from a biblical perspective. The authors describe healthy boundaries as a fence with a gate. When functioning properly, boundaries keep the bad out and the good in.
• We must not misinterpret John 14:14 to mean God cannot say no. He even denied Jesus when Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, because His plan to save us required Jesus to go to the cross. But Jesus submitted in His prayer to the will of the Father, and so too, must we.
• People struggle to say no because they don’t want others to think badly of them and because they don’t want to endure the potential negative consequences that saying no could bring.
• Tactic #1 — Provide a clear rationale. This will help people to take your no less personally and keep them from seeing it as a power struggle.
• Tactic #2 — Tell the other person what you need to make your no a yes. This helps teach them about what is satisfying or helpful to you, which supports a stronger relationship.
• Tactic #3 — Present a choice. When people can choose, their sense of autonomy stays strong. Focus on what you reasonably and rationally can do, rather than presenting your no as just shooting the other person down. It’s helpful here to have the other person look at your schedule to help set the priorities from among the choices.
• Tactic #4 — Present an alternative. You might be able to use this tactic to serve as an advocate for someone else.
• Tactic #5 — Clearly identify the commands or characteristics of God that you’re upholding by saying no. The more sure you are that you’re upholding what He wants, the easier it is to take confidence in the fact He’ll support you through your no.
• Trust that even if your no gets you into some trouble, God will pull you out of it. Remember — there’s no job worth denying Him for.

CTAs:

• Choose one of the strategies outlined to practice through the upcoming week.
• Identify what onramps or hurdles each tactic presents for you. For example, perhaps you do not feel like you’re good at making rational arguments or that your work situation doesn’t present many good choices.

What’s coming up next:

As writers, artists, actors, and other professionals assert their relevance against AI, Episode 87 of Faithful on the Clock uses a biblical perspective to explain how companies should apply the technology in their creative pursuits.

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