80'S GRAB BAG: Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Macintosh & Maud Haven't Seen What?!

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CONTENT WARNING: Child abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, childhood trauma.

We continue our 80’s Grab Bag with the true grandfather of all high fantasy movies, or at least the ultra-violent ones. Before Game of Thrones, before The Witcher, there was one man, bigger than 5 combined and able to crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and listen to the lamentations of their women. His name was Arnold Schwarzenegger, and before he become a bona fide movie star, he took on a cult classic role in this week’s movie. No, the movie’s not what you’d call “good,” but it’s also doing more with what it has than a lot of similar movies of its time. Director John Milius didn’t have the resources to hire ILM or call up the artists behind Alien and Blade Runner - he had to find a way to make it all work. And even though there’s stretches where the movie’s laughable, there’s also some true badassery hidden within. Grab your broadsword and study the way of its steel as we talk about Conan the Barbarian this week on Macintosh & Maud Haven’t Seen What?!

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Intro and outro music taken from the Second Movement of Ludwig von Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Licensed under an Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Hong Kong (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0 HK) license. To hear the full performance or get more information, visit the song page at the Internet Archive.

Excerpt taken from “Anvil of Crom” from the soundtrack to the movie Conan the Barbarian, written and composed by Basil Poledouris. Copyright 1982 Universal City Studios, Inc.; MCA Records, Inc.

Excerpt taken from the film Mommie Dearest, copyright 1981 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpt taken from “Love on a Real Train (Risky Business)” from the soundtrack to the movie Risky Business, written and composed by Tangerine Dream. Copyright 1983 The David Geffen Company.