207. Parenting After Purity Culture with Nadine Crain

Pure Victory Podcast

Welcome to episode #207! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Nadine Crain about purity culture, what it is, how to address it and how to discuss purity and sexuality with your kids and within the church.

What is “purity culture”?

Purity culture came about in the ‘90’s when the “true love waits” movement happened. It was created in response to raising statistics of teenage pregnancies. Sex education in schools was not what the churches were wanting, so they were pushing the “true love waits” teaching. It was reactionary, but was coming from a good place of wanting to lead youth to how they can follow God and not fall into sin. Unfortunately, it became very black and white - if you stay pure, you are blessed, and if not, your worth suffers. It’s so focused on behaviour and shame and not based on the grace of God. So while there are good attributes to the movement, it has left a lot of people who grew up with it full of shame when they "mess up" and even when they don't, they get to marriage with no concept of how to have a healthy sex life.

We need to approach purity from a theological standpoint.

Purity has been associated with sex and marriage rather than being in God’s presence. Purity is meant for us to be in God’s presence. Nothing that we do will undo what Jesus did to get us into God’s presence. Having this understanding takes a lot of pressure off of wondering if we can approach God after we’ve messed up. God cleanses us, not anything we do. When looking at purity culture as staying away from sex until marriage and never addressing it until you say ‘I do’ leaves us unequipped to deal with sex in marriage.

It’s important to find the middle ground between “don’t have sex” and “do whatever you want”.

That middle ground is found in the conversations. Parents, leaders and teachers need to be open to the curious questions that teens and young people will have and be a person that they are comfortable to approach. Gauge the appropriateness of the age but keep the conversation open so when they are at the age to start dating it's more than just the “one sex talk”. Parents and leaders’ job is to guide to help them make wise decisions and be informed and equipped to make the decisions. By building up the theological explanations in your kids, then they will have what they need. It will help them develop in their relationship with God and can help them on the right path or find it again if they veer off.

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Resources
Anatomy for Kids by Shelly Metten
www.nadinecrain.com to connect with Nadine Crain

Pure Freedom Community for men 18+

Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

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Course for marriages

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

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Podcast Hosts

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.