How to Navigate the Anxious Avoidant Cycle

Manxiety Podcast

The anxious-avoidant cycle can get exhausting.
When two parties aren’t trigger-proof, things can get heated.

In secure relationships, boundary violations are handled
elegantly.

Not so elegant when the "two anxieties” of unconscious polarityare at play.

Let me explain.

When you’re arguing with your partner (or even a friend),
it’s not the adult in front of you that you’re talking to.

You’re talking to a wounded little boy or girl, crying for help.

The younger part of one partner is preoccupied with
fixing the conflict immediately in order to feel safe.
(This is the anxious partner who’s afraid of abandonment).

The younger part of the other partner feels overwhelmed
with this, and needs to run away to avoid the conflict in order to feel safe.(This is the avoidant partner who’s run by the “fear of engulfment").

The first one needs constant communication and reassurance.
The second see this as controlling and oppressive.

This second one needs freedom and space to feel safe.
The first one feels that this is a cruel form of abandonment

This is why all the talk therapy doesn’t work:
Because these core wounds are far more powerful than that level of conversation.

This is NOT an intellectual conversation.
It’s revealed in the language of the body.

If you are struggling in the anxious/avoidant push/pull dance,
where one partner’s need for connection is driving the other’s need for space,
and you want to learn about an off-ramp to this exhaustive cycle,

I share exactly what that is in this episode of the Manxiety Podcast.

See if you can relate.

When you get this right, you up level past the power struggle,
out of the “should I stay or go” purgatory,
into relationship fulfillment.

When you don’t get this down— you can spend decades in therapy,
arguing over the same things,
hoping they will finally get over their “avoidance” but it never happens,
wearing you down, killing your life force energy, and causing
health issues.

See if you can spot the patterns and release them on this episode,
simply by mastering the “two anxieties” that we MUST confront
in every relationship.

Your wingman on the adventure.
Nima
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. You’re reading this for a reason. I believe there’s a reason why
we are connected. If you’ve been following my work and have been on the sidelines,
wanting to know what’s possible, I want to hear more from you.

If you’re done with the exhausting push/pull of the anxious/avoidant dance
and ready to break free from this cycle, let’s talk.
I’m opening a few spots to chat for 30 mins
with those who are serious about finding the off-ramp to this endless loop.
If you’ve already done the work, done the therapies and invested in trying to solve this,
and have learned a lot in THEORY— you’ve had success in the workplace,
but it hasn’t translated in relationships,
and are ready to move from anxiety-driven conflict to true connection,
reply with your back story (don’t leave that out) and end with:

"Nima, I’m ready to master my two anxieties. Please send me your private calendar link.”

If you’re open to some feedback on your blind spots without having your Ego bruised too badly,
you may just find the breakthrough you’ve been searching for.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LET'S CONNECT:

Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/doctornimarahmany
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drnima/
Email: [e-mail], [e-mail]

--------------------------------------------

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:58 Understanding the Unconscious Polarity
07:58 Becoming Trigger-Proof
15:59 Setting Elegant Boundaries
31:13 Repairing Boundary Violations