Reduce Financial Stress

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

A large part of the stress caused by finances is due to worry about the future, with thoughts such as, "We got by until now, but how are we going to be able to afford that?" The fear of the future can demoralize a person. Our Chazal taught us that basic emunah means if we have enough for today, we're not allowed to worry about tomorrow. Every day is a new calculation. Just because we don't have enough now for next week's expenses doesn't mean Hashem won't take care of them when the time comes. And even if when that time comes, we still have to struggle to get the bills paid, that doesn't mean that Hashem is not helping. Hashem always helps. Sometimes for a person's own benefit, Hashem wants him to go through a certain struggle. When we look back in hindsight and see all of the expenses that we somehow managed to pay, we can appreciate more how much Hashem was helping. A couple who raised a very large family, marrying off twelve children, once sat down to calculate the total price of how much each of those weddings must have cost including the hall, the band, the caterer, the clothing, the gifts, the rent money for an apartment, plus the down payments on purchases of apartments. The picture that emerged before their eyes was nothing less than miraculous. It seemed that those expenses far exceeded all of the money they had ever made, and that's without even factoring in their daily expenses. A young man told that his father, who we'll call Yehuda, has been learning in a kollel since his wedding and his mother earns just enough to support the family in a very modest way. When his sister became of age, his parents wanted her to find an outstanding talmid chacham. However, in their circles, it was customary to pay a hefty sum for such a chatan, which they most definitely did not have. Yehuda went to Rav Shteinman for guidance. He told the Rosh Yeshiva that he has an excellent daughter with great yir’at shamayim, who deserves someone of her caliber, but he was not in a position to put up the amount of money necessary for that. The Rosh Yeshiva told him, "If you don't have the ability to pay, then you don't have to promise any money." Yehuda couldn't believe that would work, so he asked the Rosh Yeshiva incredulously, "How could I say nothing?" The Rosh Yeshiva said, "Okay, so commit to 50,000 shekels. That's a number you should be able to pay back with good terms." That was a lot of money for him, but not nearly enough to get someone of the type that he was looking for. Nevertheless, he accepted the words of the Rosh Yeshiva. When an outstanding boy was eventually suggested, the shiduch progressed with no discussion of money at all. When it came time to finalize the shiduch, Yehuda was asked how much he could contribute, and he said, "50,000 shekels." The mechutan told him what he could contribute and the shiduch was finalized. The next day, Yehuda was telling his brother about the shiduch and told him how much he committed. His brother said, "There must have been a misunderstanding. Maybe he thought you said 500,000 shekels?" He urged Yehuda to call him back and go over the numbers again because he didn't want the engagement to end suddenly closer to the wedding date. Yehuda called the mechutan to discuss, and he said he was fully aware of what he said, and he explained why he accepted it. A few weeks before this, he was sitting next to Rav Shteinman at a fundraising event and he took the opportunity to ask the Rosh Yeshiva about his son who was starting shiduchim. He told the Rosh Yeshiva, his son was an outstanding learner with wonderful midot and he wanted to ask the other side to pay for most of the apartment. Rav Shteinman told him, "The type of people who can pay that much money may not be the right ones for your son. You want your son to grow in an environment of bnei Torah, a family where the father is learning full time. Accept whatever the other side offers." And that's what he did. The young man telling the story said, "It's been six years since they got married," and he said, "I don't know how, but my sister and her husband have an apartment registered in their name, and they did not receive it from their parents." Somehow everyone manages to get by, and it's because of the chesed of Hashem. If we can calm ourselves and not worry so much about the future with the knowledge that Hashem is in charge of parnasa, we would be doing the great avoda of having Emunah.