David Sanchez, Porn & Sex Addiction Therapist

Healing Charlotte Podcast

ounseling Associates and a therapist specialized in porn & sex addiction, betrayal trauma for partners, and childhood trauma. David's work focuses on helping men in these areas as well as assertiveness training.

David always had an interest in people as he watched his mom as a hairstylist listen to her clients. He earned his undergraduate degree in Psychology but found himself in sales after college. After some psychological testing, he learned that he would be a good therapist, so he returned to school to get his Master's in Counseling. His career started off in home therapy by using a system approach of not only working with the child but with the parents as well. He got into addictions work focuses on substances but shifted gears when he had a client with a porn addiction. This client fueled David to learn more. David trained at the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals as well as complementary methods of EMDR and Brainspotting.

"You can think of counseling like that; someone is going to listen to you, not judge you, hear you out, and try to work together with you like a coach even though they may do it a little deeper to be able to help you with those deper wounds and live a life you really want to live."

Through his work he has found that men put themselves through a lot of pressure to have it all and know it all which could lead to engaging in unhealthy behaviors. His work helps men shed these behaviors and discover the root of what has happened to them. He believes that porn addiction is easy to slip into based on the 3 As; Anonymity, Accessibility, and Affordability. The latest research has found that the highest users of porn are ages 12-17.

Seeking treatment is hard for men because they don't get vulnerable with their friends and portrayal of men in society as "tough guys." For many men, it feels embarrassing and scary to get help and for some they worry it will affect their job status. As a society, boys and men are raised and told to let it go, move on, and it will be ok making it even more hard to ask for help. David has found that the men he work with fear not being enough and have never learned to ask for their needs to be met.

"A lot of men are taught to stuff their feelings, suck it in, be happy, that's the only approved emotion, they can be angry if they are on the soccer field or football field but nowhere else, and that their feelings don't matter, that's for girls, and that could be so far from the truth. It's a human thing."

Gabor Mate's definition of addiction is "a behavior or substance a person does that in the short term provides relief, pleasure, and escape. In the long term, it provides more problems and consequences coupled with the inability to stop it or stop it for long." David has seen sex and porn addiction come in many forms such as massage parlors, strip clubs, etc. When men first start treatment with him, they determine if the behavior is a problem and then assess how deep of a problem it is and what level of care is appropriate for him. From there, he helps them stop the behavior and assess the needs of their spouse and partner as well as getting them support if needed. Finally he helps them develop coping skills and learn how to set boundaries. A unique offering that Charlotte Counseling Associates offers is therapy groups for men to connect and help support one another. David also offers intensive options such as half-day, full-day, or up to 3 days of work. He strongly believes in meeting people where they are and finding the right match of a therapist with his full staff. Room to Heal is another resource in Charlotte that many of his clients have taken advantage of as a residential center for those with sex and porn addiction.

"These guys just don't know how to express their needs and that's why they get caught up in these unhealthy behaviors. They are trying to meet their needs that provide an escape from the pain or maybe a dopamine boost in the short term because of the pressure."

David believes it is important for the betrayed partner to seek treatment whether they stay in the relationship or not. A common trend that he has witnessed is the person who is addicted gets all of the attention and support. The partner needs support as well as to know it's not their fault. They may have PTSD and need trauma processing as well as work on setting boundaries and utilizing coping skills. His practice has a betrayed partners group as well. He can facilitate a formal disclosure session where the partner who is addicted will share their sexual timeline and the betrayed partner can ask questions. He has found that this type of session can be helpful in the betrayed partner deciding the future of the relationship.

David describes talk therapy as utilizing the prefrontal cortex to explore thoughts and feelings and provides immediate relief. Some of the deeper methods he uses of EMDR and Brainspotting work on resourcing which is the ability to self-soothe. He describes EMDR(Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as a brain-body therapy that gets into the deeper parts of the brain attached to our nervous system. In this work, the client reprocesses traumatic material to clen up the wound and make it not as painful while introducing a positive belief. He describes Brainspotting as more of an eye-fixation modality where they have found that where you look is how you feel. The practitioner finds a point in space that is most activating and talking it out as the wound dissipates.

David finds that assertiveness training includes learning how to be calm, direct, and respectful in communication. David has followed Robert Glover's work and book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy." The idea is that men do a lot of nice things but don't meet their own needs. Inevitably the get run down and don't do nice things such as yelling, shutting down, pornography, etc. These men don't feel they have the right to ask for what they need. This work can be done in individual therapy or his assertiveness groups.

David has many things that keep him grounded outside of his work as a therapist. Mostly therapy and being a part of therapist support groups, his faith, family, music, meditation, journaling, being in nature, working out, and yoga. He would like to Heal Charlotte by spreading the positive message about therapy and provide the community with education on sex and porn addiction.

You can connect with David and his practice, Charlotte Counseling Associates, through their website, by calling them at 980-224-3233, emailing [e-mail], or on Instagram, Facebook, and Linkedin.