Unintentionally Hurting a Friend: Kathy Sackheim (my mom)

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #113: So, you've unintentionally hurt your friend's feelings. Or, your friend hurt your feelings, likely not on purpose. My wise mom joins me in this replay episode about forgiveness---asking for forgiveness and wanting apologies from others. We also discussed grudges, forgiving but not forgetting, personal stories of our own pettiness and others' pettiness, and more.

LINKS MENTIONED:

The 20 questions my husband uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, “Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come”

The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, “The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year”

Other episodes featuring my mom:

• The Friend Who Will Only Text
• When Friends Ask Questions You Don’t Want to Answer
• Widowhood and Friendship

Two quotes by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving:

“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”“Expect that what you tend to will grow. Expect that what you feed with your care and attention, what you shine your light on, will thrive. Choose wisely. Keep moving.”

Quote from my mom on grudges:

“Well, you’ve heard this before. People say that holding a grudge weighs you down, not the other person. So that’s how forgiveness is tied into grudge holding. If you can forgive somebody and keep moving forward, it’s much better for you psychologically.”

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