306: Boner shame! Let's talk about it. (ft. Jason Lange)

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??"

So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’"

The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man put it, "NRBs are a thing!" (No Reason Boners).

We're on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.

Related questions:

• How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you've never seen it role-modeled?
• What is a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?
• How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Our turn-on is visible from the outside."
• “It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”
• "Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict."
• "The antidote to shame is connection."
• "Men having an erection is a sign of health."
• "What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are."
• "‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’"
• "I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality."