Under Fire from the Enemy // Dealing with Difficult People, Part 2

Christianityworks Official Podcast

We all have some difficult people in our lives. You do. I do. So how do you deal with them – especially when you’re under fire from the enemy?

It’s Easy to Fight Wars

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but dealing with people, sometimes difficult people, is a big part of life, at home, at work, socially. And conflict can take its toll. Sometimes we feel as though we’re under pressure - as though we’re under fire, maybe through circumstances, maybe through what other people are doing - and right in the middle of that difficult space, we still have to deal with those difficult people, under fire. And in one of those perverse twists of life, in a sense there’s meaning in conflict; in a sense there’s meaning and dignity when we sacrifice in the midst of a conflict.

Most nations, my own, Australia and in fact, New Zealand, celebrate the sacrifice of their soldiers during war. In Australia it’s called ANZAC Day - the Australia New Zealand Army Corp and increasingly, that celebration is growing.

About twenty or thirty years ago people said, “oh it’s all war mongering and it’s all about this and that and it’s going to die and we can’t possibly continue celebrating war. And it’s funny, but we celebrate a day, in ANZAC Day, which is a day of great defeat. It remembers - maybe celebrates is the wrong word - it remembers that eighteen and a half thousand Australian soldiers were wounded or missing and seven and a half thousand were killed. Five thousand New Zealanders wounded and missing, two and a half thousand killed in this Gallipoli campaign in World War One which was such an enormous disaster.

And social commentators are saying, “look, the reason that these celebrations, right around the world, the reason that these sorts of days are being remembered, right around the world, where we are looking at our soldiers who were lost in battle, is that - well it’s not about war any more, it used to be about the glorification of war - but today it’s about sacrifice and hope. It’s all about the triumph of the spirit not about the victory in the battle.

These sorts of days, where we remember fallen soldiers, say with a voice that grows louder each year that we expect to find something good to happen, that we are still capable of becoming the kind of society that would justify the sacrifice of those who thought we were worth fighting for. In other words, people today are looking back on the sacrifice of the soldiers of their countries and saying, “You know, there’s meaning in that sacrifice, you know there’s humility, there’s giving, there’s something spiritual when these men under fire, were prepared to sacrifice their lives for me.”

There’s a large shopping centre near where I live, quite a new one - very ritzy, glitzy, you know - enormous, expensive clothes. And you see people milling around in that shopping centre, day after day, week after week, and that whole shopping centre - mall, shopping thing - is like an icon of our time. Yet as ritzy and glitzy as it is, it doesn’t have meaning and people are looking for meaning and it seems that in celebrations, like ANZAC Day, they’re finding that spiritual flame - that cenotaph, that bugle, that cool morning air, that shrine, that spiritual experience - people are finding meaning in sacrifice.

Now you might ask, “why don’t they find that in Jesus? Why don’t they find that in church?" And you look at the public media image of the church, with this denomination fighting that denomination and the systematic cover-up of child abuse and Christians who don’t look any different, actually, from the rest of the world. The salt, at least in its public image, has lost its flavour. The light has stopped shinning when people look at what Christianity is through the media. And let’s face it, we construct much of our reality about life through what we see in the media - it may not be fair, but that’s the perception. So I can’t imagine why they’re not knocking down the doors of our churches searching for the truth, can you?

A man whom I admire enormously, Michael Frost, once said to me - he said, “Holy living is mission.” In other words, the way that we live our lives as Christ followers, needs to be missional. We need to be salt and light, loving one another and as the shoppers are swilling around these shopping centers, what are they looking for? They’re looking for spiritual authenticity. They’re looking for sacrifice and love and community and acceptance, as they find on ANZAC Day. But you just don’t find that in shopping centers and as much as the ANZAC Day style of celebration around the world is a spiritual experience, it can never replace Jesus.

Why are we talking about conflict and battle? - because life is sometimes conflict and battle and when people look at the church, when people look at you and me as Christ followers, and they say, “Is this person for real? Is this faith authentic? Is there an authentic, spiritual experience to be had in this Christianity thing?" What they’re looking for is what Jesus talked about in loving our enemy. I often talk about Tony Campolo, wonderful man who loves to ask university students, “Can you remember just one thing that Jesus said?” and they almost always say to him, “well, I remember that Jesus said, “love your enemy.”

That’s the sort of love that happens under fire. That’s the sort of love when we are dealing with difficult people and all these other people who know that we might be Christ followers, look at us and they think, "well, ok, if this person going to be authentic, if this Christianity thing is authentic, I want to know how they behave under fire."

God’s Word says that we should be transformed, challenged. “I appeal to you,” writes Paul in Roman chapter 12 verses 1 and 2:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God, which is your Spiritual worship. Don’t be conformed to this world - don’t be like the rest of the world - but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may know what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Don’t be like the world, be a living sacrifice. When you and I are under fire, that’s the time when we live out the living sacrifice thing and living out a sacrifice is not easy. It’s a tough gig. How do we do that? Exactly how do you and I become living sacrifices? We are going to take a look at that question next.

Make Love not War

Well, how do we become living sacrifices? If authenticity of our faith is measured by Jesus’ words - love your enemy, be salt, be light, be my love in this world - if that’s what is the mark of authenticity, how can we be that, ‘cause it’s not easy - it’s not easy being a living sacrifice?

If you have a Bible, open it - right towards the end of the New Testament, to the first letter of Peter, First Peter chapter 3, we are going to look at verses 8 to 13. This is what Peter writes - he says:

Finally, all of you have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart and a humble mind. Don’t repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse but on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called, that you might inherit a blessing for those who desire life and desire to see good days, let them keep their tongues from evil and their lips from speaking their seed.

Let them turn away from evil and do good. Let them seek peace and pursue it, for the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their prayer but the face of the Lord is turned against those who do evil. Now who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good?

The catch-cry of the nineteen sixties, when I was growing up was 'make love not war’ and of course the cold war has been replaced by a different war. I mean there are a lot of wars going on, on the planet - between forty and fifty - but the one that is foremost in our mind is the war against terrorism. And we see the terrorists on one hand, of all different persuasions, trying to fight against and harm other people and it’s kind of an amazing logic.

It works like this - terrorists blow up a bus or they blow up a this or they blow up a that, and then the forces of good, supposedly, go and bomb this village or go and bomb that village, or go and blow up this and so the terrorists blow something else up and so the good guys blow something else up and on and on this goes.

I just can’t see the logic - violence begets violence. Jesus says, “murder begins in the heart,” and hate carries the same punishment from God as murder. We can’t decry terrorism and at the same time continue to hate others in our hearts. Look what Peter writes in verse 8 of chapter 3 again:

Finally all of you have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart and humble mind.

Unity, sympathy and love are about unconditional acceptance of people. A tender heart and a humble mind is about being low; it’s about saying, “You know something, I’m not as important as the other person. What’s really important is that I love them, that I care for them, that I ‘do’ for them.” That’s the key to freedom, this message of Jesus that turned a whole world upside down.

I mean you and I have enemies in our lives. We have terrorists in our lives, we have people who upset our lives and I can dig my trench and my enemies can dig their trench and I’ll throw a grenade and they’ll throw a grenade then I’ll throw a bigger grenade and they’ll throw a bigger grenade … This whole cycle of violence - now we mightn’t be shooting each other but emotional violence - you know what I mean, conflict, anger, aggression - just doesn’t fit with what Peter’s talking about here - sympathy, love, a tender heart and humility.

Are you a Christ follower - are you a Jesus follower? Then in these conflicts; in these battles with difficult people in our lives, we need to be the leaders and to be the leader we are the servant. How will peace break out in this war against terror? Exactly how will that do? Well, one side will stop bombing and shooting.

One side will lay their guns and their munitions and their explosives down and refuse to take them up again. And when the other side keeps shooting and killing, they’ll still refuse to pick up their guns. What would happen? Probably world opinion would turn against the aggressor and ultimately the shooting and the killing would stop. Look at what Peter writes in verse 9:

Do not repay evil with evil, but on the contrary, repay with a blessing.

Who are the difficult people in your life? Who are the ones that are making your life a misery? Who are the ones who are putting you under fire; you under pressure? Don’t repay their evil with your evil. Ooh! Gets personal now doesn’t?

Don’t repay their evil with your evil but on the contrary, repay them with a blessing.” That’s how you get peace.

Verse 11:

Let them turn away from evil and do good; let them seek peace and pursue it.

Is there anybody today who doesn’t desire peace with the people in their lives? Why don’t you lay down your arms; why don’t you bless them? Why don’t you speak well of them?

Ephesians chapter 1 verse 3, it says:

God has blessed us in Christ with every Spiritual blessing.

The Greek word is ‘eulogia’ from which we get ‘eulogy', which means ‘to speak well of’. God has spoken well of us in Christ with every Spiritual blessing in heavenly places. So when God speaks, He says:

Let there be light", there’s light.

God has spoken every blessing over your life and my life if we are in Christ. What if we started to do the same? What if we spoke well of our enemy? What if we sought to understand their hurts and cover their backs and compensate for their weaknesses and leave their behaviour to God in prayer? Come on, what if?

Some people won’t like it - some people just won’t like it, if they’re enemies, they won’t like it. But look what Peter writes in chapter 4 verse 8:

Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining and like good stewards of the grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received.

Well, when we decide to lay down our arms and stop fighting, some people won’t like it but on the other hand, peace will probably break out and God is on our side. Now, who will harm you if you are eager to do what’s good? But, even if peace doesn’t break out, look at verse 14 of chapter 3:

Even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed.

Well, what happens if peace doesn’t break out?

A Radical Prayer for Peace

Well, we are looking at what to do when we are in conflict - dealing with difficult people. And here in the third chapter of the first letter of Peter: First Peter chapter 3 - what we’ve seen is that we are called to stop repaying evil for evil and abuse for abuse but on the contrary repay it with a blessing.

And then Peter goes on to say, in verse 13 of chapter 3:

Now who will harm you if you are eager to do what’s good, but even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear and do not be intimidated but in your hearts, sanctify Christ as Lord; for it is better ...

Verse 17:

For it is better to suffer for doing good if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil.

What if the other side - the other person that we are in conflict with - this person who is putting us under pressure and putting us under fire, what if that person won’t stop? What if we decide to stop and lay down our arms and say, “I’m not going … I’m not going to do this any more. I’m just going to bless you; I’m just going to be good to you; I’m just going to be nice to you; I’m going to speak well of you." And the other side keeps shooting? Well, we shouldn’t be surprised because sometimes people do that, but even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. It’s a promise from God. Don’t be afraid of what they are afraid of and don’t be intimidated. In other words, we don’t have to be afraid any more because we have Christ. When I lay down my right to fight back against you, if you and I have been fighting, when I lay that down, I say: “I’m not going to do that any more.” I may still suffer for a time, but God says: “You are blessed, because you are doing what I have ask you to do, and you don’t have to be afraid of what they’re afraid of because you have Jesus.”

And when it hurts, run to Jesus, get close, get intimate with God but don’t be surprised because sometimes we do suffer for good and it’s not fair. I mean, I think verse 17 of chapter 3 is kind of counter intuitive. Look at it:

For it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil.

Now, we have it the other way around. We say, “well, you know, if I’ve done something wrong I kind of expect to suffer but if I’m doing the right thing, I shouldn’t be suffering.” You know, we’re out rebuking the devil, well, sometimes we do. And God says, “it’s better that you suffer for doing right.” Even though it’s unfair; even though it shouldn’t happen, it’s much better that we suffer for doing right than doing something wrong.

This is radical stuff! This is turning our human understanding completely on its ear. Why? Because it’s a missional outcome; because holy living is mission. Because being Christ, sharing in His suffering, shows an authenticity; a Spiritual authenticity that actually people are looking for. That’s why they flock to War Memorials once a year - they’re looking for some authenticity in suffering and when they see us not fighting back, then all of a sudden they say, “you know, that joker’s different to me. That person has got something that I want.”

This whole letter from Peter is about hope amidst persecution and to live that hope, to experience that peace, he’s saying, “you do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse, but on the contrary, repay with a blessing.” Lay down your arms. Are you fighting a battle with someone? Are you under pressure; are you under fire from the enemy? And your blood boils and you just want to kill this person.

Lay down your arms! Let them shoot - let them shoot as much as they like: let them criticize as much as they like; let them stab you in the back and go behind your back as much as they like. Lay down your arms. Bless them; speak well of them; bless them with your abilities and your talents and your gift - with whatever you have - look as good stewards of the grace of God. Chapter 4 verse 10:

Serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received.

This isn’t just about stopping the battle; it’s about repaying evil with good. It’s being proactive. It’s not walking away, it’s not de-taunt, its saying, “you know, the only thing that’s going to change the darkness, is if I shine God’s light into this place.” That’s why it’s so radical. Jesus going to the cross was radical. God nailed to a piece of wood!

It looked like God was losing - it was the greatest of victory in all history because Jesus bought your life and my life for all eternity. And when you and I take up our cross; when you and I become a living sacrifice; when you and I say, “you know something, if I’m going to be a real Christ follower, I’ve got to look like Jesus; I’ve got to be like Jesus and some days that means I have to suffer like Jesus.”

All of a sudden people see something different in us and when it hurts; when it’s unfair; when we just can’t take it any more, then we go to Him and we pray for our enemy. We pray: “Father, this person … this person who’s hurting me, this person who’s going behind my back, this person who’s putting me under fire, Father I pray that you would bless them. I pray your grace upon them. I pray your prosperity upon them. I pray your love and your mercy over their lives.” Is that radical? It’s just as radical as Jesus hanging on the cross, looking down at the people who nailed Him there - who were dividing up His clothes - saying, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

This is where our faith hits the road and the chances are peace will probably break out but even if it doesn’t, God will bless us and that’s worth so much more than anything else. Flick over to First Peter chapter 4 verse 19. Peter writes this - he says:

Therefore let those who are suffering in accordance with God’s will entrust themselves to a faithful creator while still continuing to do good.

And chapter 5 verse 6:

Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God so that He may exalt you in due time. Cast all your anxiety and cares on Him because He cares for you.

We are allowed to throw ourselves on the mercy of God. If we are doing His will, if we are living out like Jesus, we can go to God and say, “Lord, this hurts, this is hard, I’m not doing it easy, I’m doing it tough, but I’m doing it for you and I will love this person and I will pray your blessing on this person and I will bless them with everything that I am and everything that I have.”

And with these Scriptures ringing in our hearts, we can close our eyes and picture our greatest enemy and say, “Father God, in the name of Jesus Christ, I pray that you would bless this person. I pray Lord, that you would not just bless them a little bit, I pray that you would bless this person so abundantly that they can’t imagine how wonderful you are.”

That’s what Jesus calls us to. That’s what it means to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. That’s what it means not to be conformed to the ways of this world - that’s what it means to become a living sacrifice. Come on! This is where our faith hits the road - when we are under fire; when we are dealing with difficult people; when it’s not fair; when it hurts; when it’s tough - then the world looks at us and says, “does this person look like Jesus?” Or is this person just like me - just like one of us?

I really encourage you to take God’s Word, take First Peter; it’s only a few pages long - read it from beginning to end. It’ll take twenty minutes - and see what God says about suffering when it’s just not fair. That’s what Christ did for me, that’s what Christ did for you and if we are to be Christ to a lost world and a fallen world, that is what God calls us to when we are under fire from the enemy.