Divorcing While Brown - The Divorce Dilemma

Aura'ten

Remember the movie Crazy Rich Asians? Well, South Asian weddings are just as crazy irrespective of the riches.

In the South Asian culture a woman's whole life revolves around her wedding. As a young child she'll watch Bollywood movies about love, sprinkled with toe tapping music, lots of fancy clothing and grand celebrations of marriage. She'll be expected to help with household chores from very early on in preparation for life after marriage. At the first sign of protest moms are always ready with the infamous line - "Agar ab nai hora, tho shaadi kay baad kya karogi?" At 15 years old if she asks to go away with the rest of her class on a school trip, she'll often be told - "Yeh sab travel shavel shaadi keh baad karna." If she argues with her parents she'll be reminded that good girls don't argue cuz men don't like those kind of women. It's almost as though all her worth is wrapped into her ability to secure a good partner, become a wife and her ability to stay married.

Marriage in South Asia is considered a joining of two families. Both families take about two weeks of celebrations to get to know each other, the grand finale of which is a huge event filled with colors, music, lights, fancy clothes & indulgent foods.

The life long buildup of marriage is real. Women & men are expected to be married by a certain age. If you're single beyond that age it's literally all anyone will talk to you about. Anyone means anyone, mom, dad, uncles and aunts, cousins, nieces & nephews, the uncle at the corner grocery store, the aunty at the temple, the woman who lives four houses down.

So after the mad dash towards the finish line, after you've found your partner, spent much more than you could afford on a grandiose celebration announcing your union to more people than was probably necessary and you realize it's not at all what you wanted. What then?