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This podcast is comprised of three series addressing topics relevant to families dealing with a loved one's addiction: - FAMILIES SPEAK: parents share wisdom, tools & experience using CRAFT (a proven method) with their loved one - Partner CRAFT: co-hosts explore the specificity of using CRAFT with a romantic partner (or ex) - VOICES from the FRONT LINES: Guests share expertise and stories Allies in Recovery provides online learning modules, expert hand-tailored guidance, CRAFT support groups ...
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Two sisters continue to look at their present-day relationship with a Dad with problematic drinking and mental illness. How have they changed the way they respond now as young adults, when they see him drinking? What observations do they have of CRAFT in action? Kayla weighs in with some inspired guidance for the girls, going forward. The CRAFT met…
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An honest and deeply real account from two sisters. They were pre-teens when their parents split up and they started to see the signs their Dad had a serious drinking problem. Their mom began using CRAFT with him and the girls navigated as best they could. Fast forward 13 years: they're young adults, both living far away. How have they been affecte…
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Kayla checks in with Annie Highwater, a regular contributor to our blog, about ways that CRAFT and Allies in Recovery's member site have changed her as a person. Is your Loved One struggling with addiction? Allies in Recovery’s online program can help. You’ll learn a powerful, evidence-based approach to improve your wellbeing and that of other fami…
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When your Loved One has substance use and/or mental illness, communication can get sticky and prickly pretty quickly. Yet there's no world where we'll never need to have difficult conversations with our family members. CRAFT provides an incredibly effective toolbox for developing more easeful relationships. In this episode, our co-hosts—family memb…
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What goes around, comes around. Kenny, Bridget, and Elizabeth came to Allies in Recovery as family members looking for help with shifting the dynamic with an addicted Loved One. At the time, rather than recording episodes for the world, they were listening and learning, like you. Listen to them speak about their all-time favorite Coming Up for Air …
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Money is already such a huge issue for almost everyone, before you even add Substance Use Disorder (SUD) into the mix! Things get exponentially more complex when it's your loved one with addiction issues asking for money. Whether it's "just 20 dollars" or rent for an apartment, families often experience the feeling of being hostage to their fear fo…
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In part 2 of 2, Isabel, Kayla, and their co-hosts -- family members with direct experience -- discuss their favorite tools and tips they've picked up from working with the CRAFT method through Allies in Recovery. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of Allies …
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Isabel, Kayla, and co-hosts with direct experience discuss their favorite tools and tips they've picked up from working with the CRAFT method through Allies in Recovery. Part 1 of 2. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platfor…
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If you have an addicted loved one, chances are you're all too familiar with "hyper-arousal" or "survival mode." As Emily explains with brio, this state is meant to serve us when there's danger, then pass. What does it look like when we're chronically in this mode? Physical and mental/emotional signs are there and can serve as signposts, Emily expla…
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Sometimes, our Loved Ones' situations call for incredibly difficult decisions. Co-host Hazel shares a recent high-stakes moment that felt like a necessary betrayal. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted loved one. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platform providing traini…
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When there's Substance Use Disorder (SUD) and mental health diagnoses, what do you do? Can you use CRAFT? Yes, most of the time you can, unless the mental health issues make you or them unsafe. Co-host Bridget offers a central point: with this difficult combo, think of what is, not "what if." Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of p…
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How do you deal with having hard feelings around your loved one's substance use? Kayla, Carolyn, Bridget, Elizabeth, and Kenny discuss their experiences and feelings of anxiety, frustration, and fear and their tools for handling the situation. The Allies in Recovery program and the CRAFT Method for families seeking to help a loved one with addictio…
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It's easy to feel like you have to be perfect with CRAFT, perfect with your loved one to be successful. But perfectionism gets in the way of connection. It can blind us, keep us from seeing our loved one fully. Acknowledging things not going the way you wanted, taking responsibility for behavior that doesn’t work--that’s part of the connection, and…
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If we're doing too much for our loved ones with substance use disorder, we'll never truly know how capable they are. We need to step back to see their capability and witness their choices, realizing that they have their own motivations and values. CRAFT is about creating a strong connection without necessarily doing things for them. This is a proce…
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Kayla and Isabel discuss the complications of rewarding your Loved One with addiction, in the context of a partner relationship. How does it affect time with children? How about intimacy? Partner CRAFT is the podcast series by Allies in Recovery that focuses on applying the CRAFT method with a romantic partner (or ex-partner) who struggles with add…
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Kayla and Isabel discuss the challenges of early recovery. What are realistic expectations to have of our loved ones in this period? What can we do as a family member to support them and, importantly, to keep ourselves in check? It's helpful to know what "early recovery" means -- there's a spectrum that goes from complete abstinence to harm reducti…
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Oy, the holidays. It can be a time full of triggers, for our Loved One with substance use disorder, but also for the family member. It's also a time where we can get disconcerting questions about our how our loved ones have been doing. Three family members join Kayla to share wisdom and experiences around the holidays, from answering questions abou…
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Recovery is progress, not perfection, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. As the family of a Loved One with substance use disorder (SUD), it can be tempting to impose our own expectations onto our Loved One. But as we ease up on expectations, we're taking pressure off our Loved One, allowing them space to try things and see how it goes. Some…
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It’s incredibly hard to have a Loved One who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their Loved Ones and offer hard-won advice. They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have …
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What you don’t do – like get caught up in being a superhero, or telling your Loved One what they “should do” – can help your relationship emerge as a partnership. If we develop good relationships, we have power. If we have the capacity to change, we have power. If we have awareness, we can make choices, and that gives us power, too. By accepting th…
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Self-care is a pillar of CRAFT; helping yourself is essential to helping your Loved One. A lot of CRAFT focuses on a parent trying to help an adult child, so how do we shift things in a partner relationship so we're able to play the starring role in our own lives? Is there room to focus on ourselves when our loved one is not showing up in the relat…
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When your partner suffers from Substance Use Disorder, what are realistic expectations in your relationship? Are your expectations setting you up for frustration? Which of your needs can you meet for yourself? Kayla Solomon and Isabel Cooney explore the often sticky nature of partnership when SUD is involved. Partner CRAFT is a podcast series by Al…
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When your partner is using substances year after year and you don't see change, you may end up wondering, "Why am I staying?" A listener wrote in that she wondered about staying with her husband, who struggles with alcohol but hasn't responded to her efforts to practice CRAFT thus far. Would leaving him constitute "natural consequences?" Isabel Coo…
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The original CRAFT is outcome-driven and behavioral-based, aimed at getting people into treatment. Allies has made it more connection- and relationship-oriented, focused on listening and communication. The same skill set Allies focuses on -- validating, not arguing, not giving advice or challenging someone's reality or perception -- often works wit…
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What happens to the 30 percent who, in the traditional, research-based CRAFT model, don't make it to treatment in 12 weeks? The Allies version -- "applied" CRAFT -- goes beyond the 12-week version and focuses on change, not just going to treatment. By making changes, starting with yourself, you are engaging in the same work as "treatment." CRAFT fo…
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What do these terms mean? Should we use them? And are they disparaging? "Dry drunk" comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, and refers to someone who's abstinent, but may not obviously be doing more than remaining abstinent. And "manipulation" is often in the eye of the beholder; CRAFT can help take the judgment out of it. The only fact you have is what i…
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How do you work with anxiety so it's of service to you? Sometimes, anxiety is information akin to intuition, a sign that maybe you need to set up a boundary. At the same time, the only completely accurate fact in moments of anxiety is that you don't know. Part of the work we need to do is getting comfortable with and coping with not-knowing.…
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Approach the question of capability with awareness and connection. Look at your own awareness of what they'e capable of or struggling with. You may be doing too much, leaving you unaware of what they can truly do. Do mini-experiments when they want to do things, and collect data. Help them have an opportunity to succeed or fail. Foster connection b…
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Our hosts speak with Dr. Julie McCarthy, Associate Psychologist at McLean Hospital and Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School. She completed her bachelor’s degree at Tufts University and clinical psychology doctoral training with a focus on schizophrenia research at the University of Maryland, College Park. She completed her pr…
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Celebrate the small victories, so they become bigger. Take yourself out of the story so your loved one can write their own. Trust that they can function on some level. They have the skills they use to navigate the difficult world of substance use, and those skills just need to be translated to a different lifestyle.…
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Taking a deliberate break to do nothing is about clearing a space, removing internal clutter and distraction. You can often gain new insight and power to make choices in that space. It's about taking care of yourself, replenishing and healing, and coming up with better ideas than your more anxious or panicked self can.…
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What does it mean to CRAFT? It means slowing things down to look at them in a more complex way, seeing behavior in light of abstinence versus use, using positive reinforcement for positive changes, not focusing on the negative. CRAFT asks you to look at yourself and your reactions, self-talk, and storytelling so that you can step back and make cons…
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When the stakes are low, CRAFT seems easier to use. What do you do when the stakes are high, when danger feels present? Assessing safety -- yours and theirs -- is first. But CRAFT, even in those moments, can help you communicate more effectively while still holding to the boundaries you need. It's tougher in high-stakes situations, so go easy on yo…
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Our hosts address a post from someone whose boyfriend just went to detox. So how does CRAFT come into play now? The reasons someone drank or used drugs before haven't gone away, and they come bubbling to the surface. CRAFT--and the CRAFT community--help you with the process that's begun with this first step of going to treatment.…
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People around you may want to be helpful, but not know quite how to truly help. They may offer pat answers or tell you to calm down because things aren't so bad. The temptation is to play the short game, to get caught up in the moment and solve the immediate crisis. Instead, learn how to calm your system CRAFT-style, so that you can process and not…
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Your situation is uniquely your own. But as with any illness, it’s not entirely unique—others are also dealing with the illness. Trying strategies to manage your condition is the same thing as using CRAFT for coping with addiction. An important part of CRAFT is the C, which stands for “community.” Don’t be hopeless. Step out and bring the things yo…
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We sometimes hitch our well-being to another person's behavior and emotional state. Strong negative emotions can get in the way of connection. When they happen, notice and respond, but don't derail with the other person. You can see your thoughts as stories -- what story are you telling yourself that produces your emotions? The idea is to turn your…
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How do you make good decisions when the fear of your loved one’s death colors everything? If you’re stuck in a bad dynamic, your only option is to do things differently. CRAFT tools can help you change the dynamic over time, and help your loved one stay alive. It involves facing the fear, and implementing CRAFT on your own terms, in your own time.…
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It can be easy to dismiss things that don't work immediately, to give up and say, "Now what?" That's usually the wrong strategy. Instead, see every day as a new one, and remember that CRAFT takes practice and time. See CRAFT methods as tools for life, for all relationships. Stepping back, listening effectively, giving people respect and power, self…
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Our hosts discuss examples of "the craft of CRAFT" and the art of changing our messaging with subtlety and compassion to communicate better with our loved ones. It's about finding thoughtful ways to express boundaries and explain your needs and requests without criticizing. And keep in mind that the conversation will continue.…
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Christina Dent discusses her new book, Curious: A Foster Mom's Discovery of an Unexpected Solution to Drugs and Addiction. Christina grew up in a conservative Christian home. Her views of addiction changed dramatically when she and her husband became foster parents. Christina founded the non-profit End It For Good to invite others to listen to the …
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Laurie asks co-host Kayla questions about the role of a therapist in addressing substance use disorder. Kayla Solomon is a social worker in private practice in Northampton, Mass. Her specialty in addiction began right after college when she was hired as a methadone counselor in Brooklyn. She has worked in Intensive Outpatient Programs, clinics, res…
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Our hosts have a conversation with Bill Carruthers, who describes himself as "a person in long-term recovery." He is also a Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner; a Certified Peer Specialist for Mental Health, Addictive Disease, and Whole Health; and a Forensic Peer Mentor. He has done hundreds of presentations and workshops, and works …
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A listener asks about their son's marijuana use: is it a problem? With a substance that also had medicinal uses but can also create issues, more questions arise. Are there benefits? Is the person functioning and communicating well? Are they connecting with people? The answers lie in working on communication, in helping the person understand for the…
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If you're forced to have limited contact, it can be hard to handle the unknown. It's important to learn how to be in contact in simple ways, and to calm your system down to respond well and strengthen the connection. Use humor; find ways to connect with who they are and what they like -- reminding them of who they are becomes a bridge and connectio…
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In a sort of CRAFT primer, our hosts define and discuss "agency" -- the sense of control you have -- and how it works for your loved one and for you. The goal is to feed positivity so they feel agency and can make better decisions. You foster agency in someone else by calming down and gaining more agency of your own.…
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It’s important to CRAFT that you become a complex thinker – not just black/white or good/bad, but looking at a bigger picture to see a range of possibilities and hold more than one truth. To, as Kayla says, “heal into wholeness,” it’s important to become more yourself by experiencing all the feelings and thoughts you may have, to hold them and see …
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You hear it a lot -- "allow for natural consequences." But what does that really mean? Natural consequences are the things you sometimes shield your loved one from -- whether it's a small conversation with someone who's upset with them, or something much larger. If something endangers life or well-being, different rules apply. But allowing the cons…
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Our hosts discuss and offer advice on two stories and questions covered in the Allies in Recovery blog. First is a look at a woman who took a stand with her older sister -- who then dropped out of sight. Second is a family whose loved one experienced seizures during withdrawal, but wanted to stay alone while detoxing.…
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