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Imagine the most adult children you know – discussing the environmental impact of menstruation cups one minute and making poop jokes the next. That’s Doug and that’s Alice. Two friends who decided to Always Be Recording. He’s a filmmaker, and she’s a college English professor. Their chemistry is accidental. And so is this auditory compendium of their verbal musings. You are invited to join their lighthearted conversational romps through all of life's absurdities.
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Coulter Chronicles

Michael W. Coulter

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Welcome to the Coulter Chronicles podcast, where we openly discuss the quest in life. We’ll be tackling the concept behind my new company, The Vanishing Elephant. How one bite at a time is all you need to accomplish anything. From leadership skills, to finances, to racism, to life insurance, to perspective, to religion, you can almost bet you’ll hear it, here!
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Happy Halloween! Alice and Doug invite Kevin Roach to the show for his annual Halloween episode. This year they debate which horror movie villains they'd bed (spoiler: The Predator has some sexy abs) and recite a brand new scary story. They also discuss the merits of a travel bidet (or two!) and wonder if Pat Morita could have convincingly played a…
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This week Alice leaves her scheduled colonoscopy up to a Facebook vote while Doug scours app stores for strange Fitbit alternatives. This is adulting in 2024. Other discussion topics may include: - Why isn't there a play or musical based on the 1987 cinematic classic Mannequin? - Maybe a little too much Enrique - Are you wealthy enough to afford ca…
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Alice has a colonoscopy coming up. Somehow this isn't the first topic she and Doug discuss. But once they get on her butt, boy, does it prove difficult to get off. Other discussion topics may include: - Completely unrelated Tummy Trouble - Turkey Testicle Festical - Would you trust a biology teacher/realtor to perform routine surgeries in your home…
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Could you imagine if today were Julia Roberts's birthday?! It's not, but could you just IMAGINE?!?! Elsewhere in this week's episode, Doug and Alice just got back from St. Louis (and TO the future!), and now they're ready to find some fowl balls or other unusual body parts to devour at the West Side Nut (heh) Club Fall Festival. Other discussion to…
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September's over, so wake up and join Doug and Alice as they consider alternate Barry Manilow fandom names, question their new home's bathroom setup, and, most importantly, celebrate a special 100th birthday. Plus why does the international market have so many cooler RC products than we do? Other discussion topics may include: - A nostalgic start t…
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Doug and Alice have been doing a lot of burying of ledes lately, and it's time for all the news to finally come out. Major life changes have occurred. Are they shrouded in murder or in tradition? There's only one way to find out.* Other discussion topics may include: - Life is a lot more bearable when you picture all your finances in board game mon…
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Alice teaches us about the differences between Chinese language and symbols, as well as differences in sign languages between countries, including accents! Meanwhile, Doug makes a joke about Mario's penis. Other discussion topics may include: - A literally childish alien obsession - Is there anyone who uses a letter as a first name who isn't succes…
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It's a Great Day with Doug, even if by force. Enjoy a trio of film directors' birthdays, some great news regarding Alice's band, and Doug gushing about his favorite musician. And even Barry Manilow. Other discussion topics may include: - The Sound of Music meets West Side Story in a battle to the death - Try to name a non-sweet food that wouldn't b…
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Alice has been a bonehead again. Doug almost had a tree crash down on his. It went terribly lately, but they're still hanging in there. They just can't pronounce anything correctly. You'll see. Other discussion topics may include: - Why Rick Moranis retired from acting - Buttery salty fingies at the furniture store - How to brush your teeth. Or may…
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It's time to generate some random topics! Just what have Doug and Alice been breaking and losing lately? Besides hearts and farts, of course. Find out in this butt flap vibrating episode. Start your engines and form your nethers. And watch out for shatnel. It's Going Terribly. Other discussion topics may include: - Delivery robots who demand to be …
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Alice and Doug recently returned from St. Louis. There was art, food, shopping, and, of course, IKEA. Now they're back to tell you all about it while also touching on scrambled pancakes and the difference between anuses and rectums. Other discussion topics may include: - Stale corn nuts and the palpating innards that accompany them - Controversial …
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It's time to take a trip down to New Yum City! Doug and Alice discuss recent and upcoming tasty (and/or really weird) treats. Honestly, why do other countries' McDonalds and KFCs have such amazing menu items? Step it up, America! Other discussion topics may include: - Caramel, gyro, and other relationship threatening words - Why don't we drink any …
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Did the pied piper murder a bunch of children? Have you ever rubbed emu parts on yourself? And just what *did* Daniel Radcliffe do to that horse? Find these answers and more in this highly educational episode. Other discussion topics may include: - The disappearance of Amelia Earhart and Jim Liverballs - Sinning in the Rain - The dichotomy of watch…
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Years in the making, it's the 200th episode of Going Terribly! For the first time ever, Alice and Doug are joined by special guest Laura D'Alto! The trio then spend the next hour and a half mostly discussing poop. Listen, what else do you want? Along the way, Laura does class it up with talk of K-pop concerts, World War II musicals, and an obvious …
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Want to please your man? Write him a lovely haiku, And spit on that thang. This week Alice and Doug welcome acclaimed poet/umpire/pirate/babe sketcher Nick "Frick" Wentzel. Games are played. Games that, someday, could just supplant baseball as America's past time. Time will tell. Other discussion topics may include: - What is your lick potential? -…
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Wasn't there something we were supposed to talk about this week? I can't remember... Other discussion topics may include: - GAME OF CONES V: Indiana Cones and the Swirl of Density - Gulf War cannibalism...technically - Music that makes you want to go home - Why your 4-year old is dumber than some birds - Celebrating the emus who sacrifice their liv…
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There's allegedly time travel. There's supposedly quality poetry. There's definitely ball sweat scented things. But what's most important is THERE ARE STILL NO FRIGGIN BIRDS!!! Other discussion topics may include: - A celebration of crime murder game persons - Who needs zippers when you can just sew everything shut? - Hot take: Virginia Vietnamese …
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We celebrate a very special birthday today! And goats! And God. And Lake Bell, who honestly should be the voice of God. Other discussion topics may include: - Elusive noodles (wink) - Music that jams, rocks, slaps, and is, most assuredly, bussin' - Peach passes (wink wink) - Louisiana social workers and the stars who loved them - Sexy baby voices (…
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Alice and Doug are gearing up for next month's annual ice cream crawl while lamenting their failure to bring other unholy food events to fruition (YET). There's also an impromptu and accidentally cruel game of 20 Questions. Other discussion topics may include: - A satisfying drip - The unfortunate discovery that both George Michael AND George Orwel…
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Boy, does Alice have a tale for you. Travel, mystery, sex, and, for whatever reason, an iPhone 7. Everything you could want from a modern thriller. Well, except the iPhone 7. Meanwhile, Doug can draw Barney Rubble. You'll have to take his word for it. Other discussion topics may include: - How can you tell if you're in your own Fight Club scenario?…
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Alice is still mysteriously coming atcha from afar through the radio airwaves, and Doug is thinking of joining a pasta cult. But oh wait, maybe he already has.... Other discussion topics may include: - Virginia adventures, featuring both reefer and bird poop madness - 30-year old mattresses - Waiting for technology to catch up so society can finall…
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Was Maya Angelou married to Daniel Tosh? Was the Notorious B.I.G. a big Billy Idol fan? Is a kiwi just a flying kangaroo? It really went terribly this week. Other discussion topics may include: - Opossums of all sort: Epiphany, Insurrection, and, of course, Awesome - How to (not?) use a corn cob as toilet paper - An introduction to biblical rapper …
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Alice is about to leave town for a bit. But the episode won't stop, because of magic. While she's still here, she and Doug discuss compulsions. They also discuss eating worms and making love to a potato's eye. These are not some of the compulsions. But they could be. Elsewhere, Alice offers a disappointing Momofukuing story and Doug once again trie…
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Alice and Doug are different people now. They yard saled away (yard saled away) and will gladly take your trash for the right price. Join them as they celebrate hidden treasures and completely amateur burger grillers in this fresh-as-a-daisy, banana pepisode!Other discussion topics may include:- The very popular, very necessary 4-to-1 bird to baby …
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It's Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month, and this episode is bursting with an incidentally Asian-themed It Went Terribly. Plus Alice and Doug discuss times they've had to call 911 (U.S. only). And just who in the heck was this Leviticus dude?? Other discussion topics may include: - Are Mr. Rogers and Aaron Neville kind of the same person? - Some…
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Alice has BIG NEWS. Doug has BIG NOODS. Praise Cheeses, hallowed be Thy name. Other discussion topics may include: - The right and wrong way to make a chicken apple pie - Houses with legs: What could they mean? - A recap of recent foot long foods - God's disappointment in particular vegan products - Nearly as much useful information as an average p…
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To what extent do you dry off after a shower? Where do you get dressed? Will you step aside when you reach a certain age? And where dat pre-buttcrack at? All these important questions and more will be broached, discussed, and destroyed in this very inquisitive episode of Going Terribly. Other discussion topics may include: - What do John Cena and R…
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You know what sucks? Taxes. Even worse? The obfuscating way taxes have to be calculated. Even worse? The rigmarole surrounding how to actually make the payment straight to the IRS without buying $200's worth of supposedly free tax prep software! Happy Day After Tax Day, y'all. Hope you remitted your payments in time! Other discussion topics may inc…
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Going Terribly is a podcast that aims to provide weekly comfort to our listeners in the form of silly laughs, day-to-day nothings, obscure information, and poop jokes. Unfortunately, last year, we had a guest on our podcast who now faces some serious accusations of inappropriate behavior from a number of victims. It is our opinion that this particu…
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How many times can Alice be incorrect in this episode? The answer may astound you. Other discussion topics may include: - An introduction Mr. and the whole Magoo family - The military's obsession with f bombs in their acronyms - Acclaimed British actor Daniel Craig's daughter - How to start a proper Crispix Bonanza - Information on the long-forgott…
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Hey, so have you all, like, heard of this guy, Joe Maldonado, who was in charge of, like a park for exotic animals, but then killed a bunch of horses to feed his tigers, and then he got caught trying to, like, kill his rival, who may or may not have killed her first husband decades ago? Catch all the hottest news here on It Went Terribly! Other dis…
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Easter is coming early this year. Get your eggs and your eclipse glasses cuz the future is nigh(t)... Other discussion topics may include: - Rippin' burlap, dropping jet fuel, and other anal logic - Complicated churro relationships - Officially welcoming Christ back to the cream - How to go from not knowing a thing about business humanities to teac…
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Doug and Alice are in da house with special guest, the Artist Formerly Known as The Notorious R.E.D. Gennie Adams. It's a St. Patrick's Day celebration! A couple days late, but games still needed playing and poor Irish accents needed to be heard. Hear Gennie regale the audience with the tale of how Alice and Doug played passive matchmakers, culmina…
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GRWU as we flex our conversational skillz with such topics as the Communist Revolution (ick), Gen Z slang (bussin'!), and why cumin is the most underrated spice (no cap). Other discussion topics may include: - When the heck are Katie Holmes and Pacey (or even Dawson!) gonna get back together? - A celebration of forgotten doo wop group "The Ho Tones…
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Is today a great day or a terrible day? Alice and Doug make their respective cases, and they'll let you decide. It really comes down to beach house sex vs. revolutionary massacres. Other discussion topics may include: - Chex: Underrated treat or complete waste of time? - Sex-crazed faeries and White House raccoons - How to clone old summer camp fri…
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It's a Great Day for Semi-Recent Semi-Decent Words for Duds with Gross ASMR! Other discussion topics may include: - Pimple popping videos (which you will absolutely, without question, never see here) - Cute little vertigo puppies - Be careful about touching anything a 60-year old man in a kilt has just touched - Who is the best person to leave a nu…
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We're one-hundred-seventy-seven episodes in. When are we gonna get some dang celebrities up in this bish? No offense to anyone who's ever been on...we love you!!! Other discussion topics may include: - It's everyone's birthday today. Maybe even yours! - Stephen Marbury vs. Any U.S. President: Who Was the Better American? - High School Musical: The …
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Congratulations to newly affianced, long-time guests, Gennie Adams & Josh Weiland! Say YOU DO to their engagement, Valentine's Day, and Josh's birthday with obscure and disturbing wedding traditions, obscure and disturbing sexual positions, and obscure and disturbing quirks of language. I mean, come on, French, what gives? Other discussion topics m…
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***Our sincerest apologies for an insensitive joke made about a celebrity whose death was announced today. We recorded the episode prior to this news, and we are embarrassed to have made light while the celebrity and their family were going through physical and emotional turmoil. We wish solace to them.*** It's time for It Went Terribly, and it jus…
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Her childhood beginnings have caught up with Alice's present in the cutest way. Meanwhile, Doug has a new obsession with executing corpses. Together, they recently visited St. Louis (and St. Charles!), Missouri, where they encountered cartwheels, grilled pineapple, and possibly the greatest public restroom of all time. Other discussion topics may i…
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It's Doug's birthday! There are gifts, goodies, and even a little Tiffani Thiessen for good measure. Other discussion topics may include: - How to throw children the good way - Nomar Garciaparra: Bostonian Home Run Home Wrecker - Pooed, gooed, and sewed shirts - A very brief aside about John Hancock, because history is kind of important, too - Ulti…
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Alice has a huge confession to make. Doug has some assorted fruit and/or savory (not) cookies to pitch. And they're both just hoping to not get Benned over. Other discussion topics may include: - A slew of amazing entrepreneury ideas you can feel free to steal - Mac and cheese socks - The original French hustlers - Willy nilly Jabberwockies - How d…
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Alice finally gets her comeuppance for that communal work refrigerator gaffe, and Doug...gets a yellow Starburst??!?! GROSS! OH THE HUMANITY! Other discussion topics may include: - American First Lady Voodoo Dolls - Home security, by means of putrid eggs - The unspoken benefits of cheese, including not making you poop as much - Good Pizza, Great Pi…
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Candi and Jason Vincent join Doug and Alice once again for some New Year's festivities. They talk about balls, both dropped and otherwise. As well as planes that everyone darn well hopes don't drop. Other discussion topics may include: - Boob gardens and kumquatades - Have you ever given someone an organ for Valentine's Day?* - Entirely understanda…
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Alice and Doug welcome brand new guests Brian Boitano* and Jenna Jameson** into the studio for a single day belated Christmas edition of Going Terribly! Nude modeling is discussed, so divert the ears of little elves. Games are played, but obviously they don't let Rudolph join in. Balls are devoured, but that's something else entirely. Other discuss…
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Have yourself a good, old-fashioned Multicultural Date Night™ by sampling dragon fruit, marinating pig ears, and steeping blank white printer paper in herbal jelly tea to make old-timey-looking love letters. Other discussion topics may include: - How to cut yourself on jelly - Anti-anxiety cat medications and anti-sincerity standing ovations - The …
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Going Terribly brings you an all new, irresistible, irrepressible olfactory experience: Decay NY. It's gonna be a thing. Other discussion topics may include: - How would you like to rub pea all over you? - The complete lack of Family Matters in a particular Christmas movie - If they figured out the technical end of things, wouldn't you want a chick…
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If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. ~ William Arthur Ward (aka R. Kelly)Other discussion topics may include:- A terrific sitcom idea that will almost certainly be stolen by CBS- Can washing your bedding in certain pome fruits make them cleaner?*- An exploration of Britney Spears's religious history (no…
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What's your giant soft pretzel of choice? Big Amish Ben's or Auntie Anne Hathaway's? Other discussion topics may include: - What are minor celebrities like Patrick J. Wilson and Thomas Jefferson up to these days? - The midwest and its boundless love affair with dough - An episode made entirely in the dark. Not that that really means anything to you…
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