Why "Giving More" Doesn't Work with Jamila Bradley

Divorce Curious

In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with Jamila Bradley, who discusses the concepts of kinship, belonging, and the dynamics of relationships, particularly in the context of divorce. They explore the importance of understanding what we owe each other in relationships, the cycle of disinterest leading to contempt, and the societal expectations surrounding marriage. Jamila emphasizes the need for reciprocity and the dangers of over-giving in relationships, ultimately advocating for environments where mutual respect and satisfaction are prioritized. In this conversation, Jamila and Lisa explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on coercive control, self-worth, and the journey of self-exploration. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own value, challenging limiting beliefs, and the necessity of self-forgiveness. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of understanding personal dissatisfaction and the power of self-validation in navigating difficult emotional landscapes, especially in the context of divorce curiosity.
Takeaways

• Kinship is about what we owe each other in relationships.
• Disinterest can escalate to contempt and hatred over time.
• Longevity in marriage does not equate to satisfaction.
• Over-giving in relationships can lead to devaluation.
• Expectations in marriage often go unspoken and unmet.
• The cycle of resentment can be insidious and gradual.
• Articulating feelings can help in understanding relationship dynamics.
• Creating reciprocity is essential for healthy relationships.
• Entitlement in relationships can lead to exploitation.
• It's important to protect your energy in relationships. Coercive control often masquerades as matching energy in relationships.
• Self-recognition is crucial for personal growth and understanding.
• Challenging limiting beliefs can lead to a healthier self-image.
• Self-exploration requires time and patience without the pressure to act immediately.
• Facing discomfort is a necessary step in the divorce curiosity process.
• Tools like the 'clock and the gun' can help structure self-reflection.
• Self-forgiveness is essential for repairing the relationship with oneself.
• Women must fiercely defend their inherent worth.
• Validating oneself is a powerful tool for emotional health.
• You are the hero of your own story, capable of navigating challenges.

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