Why I Will Never Love a Parade

How To Survive The Classroom

I thought the mic stand was going to be my biggest battle this week… but between parades I didn’t understand, parents at my kids’ school, and voicemails that took turns I could have never prepared for, this episode had me reeling. From a teacher who declared he had his “asshole pants” on, to a locker room surprise that may or may not have been cocaine, to a student loudly announcing she was climaxing in driver’s ed, let’s just say, things escalated quickly. And yes, I have thoughts. Lots of them.

Takeaways: When your mic starts drooping mid-speech, the crowd notices… and so does your self-esteem.

Apparently, parades aren’t just floats and candy, sometimes it’s cement trucks and kraut balls.

A teacher’s slip of the tongue about “asshole pants” turned into a running gag students will never let die.

The line between “potential cocaine” and “baking powder” is scarier than you think, especially when it shows up at school.

There are things you expect to hear in driver’s ed… “I’m climaxing” is not one of them. --

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