Ep56 | The Fastest Way to Calm Your Nervous System

But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
In today's episode, we are going to talk about how to calm down that nervous system immediately. What is the single best way to do this? Stay close to find out. Not, not too close though. It's it's flu season, y'all. It's flu season.
Speaker 2: (00:16)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
Speaker 1: (01:14)
All right, so welcome back. Let's dive into the single fastest way to calm that nervous system down. This is useful for anybody if you have not gone through abuse, that's fabulous. Very jealous. Love it. But also you can use this to help calm down in any stressful situation. Maybe you're just having a bad day at work. Maybe your hubby or your mama or your friend is driving you up a wall. Maybe the kiddos are getting a little needy and you just need a break. This is the single best way to calm that nervous system down. I'm gonna be very honest too. This was not my go-to way. I wanted to learn how to calm down. I am not a calm person in general. I'm very energetic. I love to dance and do hip hop. I like to sing some fast songs. I like to do everything fast, which is probably exactly why I need this calming tool.
Speaker 1: (02:14)
But you have to give things a chance. So before you click away, once you hear what this one thing is, I want you to have an open mind. Are you all ready? Are you opening your minds? Great, great, great, great. Okay. It is all about that breath, baby. I'm sure you have heard of breath work. If you were in the yoga world, the meditation world, if you're not welcome, there's a lot of talk about breathing and breath. And I'm not taking big enough deep breaths right now. And if I did, I'd be calmer. But I'm speedy Christy. So this is why I need to use this tool. I practice it often and it truly has changed my life along with other tools that I use. I love meditation. I love yoga. I'll be honest, I did not like any of those three things when I first started them, but I knew because so many people had said how amazing it was, how it changed their life.
Speaker 1: (03:10)
I was like, I'm gonna give it more of a chance. So breath work was the last of those three that I tried. And the irony is, it is the quickest one to work. It is that in the moment when you can't go meditate, when you can't go downward, dogger your butt all over work, you can breathe, you can take a few seconds or a few minutes to breathe. So we call this die of frag, pragmatic breathing. Okay? That's what we're gonna talk about. There's many different ways to breathe. Like he, he, he, no, I'm just kidding. There's, there's books, there's podcasts, all about breath. If you wanna dive deeper into this, but we're gonna be really simple here today on my show. Super simple. This technique, like I said, it is simple, it's quick. And it is highly effective in reducing stress and promoting relaxation, which we can all use more of, right?
Speaker 1: (04:06)
So number one, you need to find a quiet and comfortable place, okay? If you are at work or you're at work and like you just need a break at work, I'm trying to picture like a chaotic place. We are a lot. Hopefully you don't have like a super chaotic, stressful job, but I know some of you do, right? This is life, we're lifeing together. So I've gotta work with what some of you have. So let's say you do have somewhat of a stressful job. Maybe you're trying to get out of it, but in the meantime it doesn't help all the things you're gonna do later. You wanna know how can I at least get some immediate relief now so you can find a quiet place. You can always shove yourself into a little bathroom for a few minutes, right? We always are allowed to go pee pee and poopoo so they won't know what you're doing in there if you're just taking some nice breaths.
Speaker 1: (04:52)
So if you're at home though, and you can get away, you can lock yourself in the pantry away from the kids, go out to your car. Does anyone else do that? I love a good car session. Let me run to my car. I, or like when I'm coming back from somewhere and I'm like, I just want a little bit longer on my own, um, I will sit in the car for a few minutes and I love it. So anyway, yes, you can always email me and be like, yes sister, tell me your fun stories at fierce mama [e-mail]. Anyway, I digress. So find a quiet, comfortable place if possible, right? If you are lucky enough to have a beautiful space in your home, it's all yours. You can lie down. I actually have that. I have a meditation lounge chair. It's magical. I think it was like 99 bucks on Amazon and it has like eight different inclines I think.
Speaker 1: (05:46)
And it's super cozy. And that's my favorite place to meditate or do my breath work. Number two, you gotta close your eyes. I was never good at close in my eyes. I like to see everything. I'm a paper. I'm nosy, I'm impatient. But you learn over time, you to close your eyes. You take a deep breath in through your nose, allowing your diaphragm to expand. And I'm actually working on this with my daughter 'cause she's starting to sing. She actually is the leader, the lead singer in a band. So we're working on diaphragm breathing because it's essential to singing. So I try to explain it like imagine there's like a tube going down your lungs and at the bottom it's got a big balloon. So you're in your case, if we're doing this type of breath work, you're going through your nose and you're feeling that expansion, that balloon stretching out as you inhale.
Speaker 1: (06:43)
And when you do this, you're gonna count to 4 1 2. Remember, it's like one Mississippi, not like 1, 2, 3, 4. Whoa, no, we're not gangster today. We're just Mississippi. And back in like we did in like sixth grade. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi. So that's your inhale. Then you're gonna hold it for another count of four. You know the drill. Let me hear you say you Mississippi, can I get a Mississippi in the back? Okay, then you're going to exhale slowly through your mouth for guess what? Another count of four. We're gonna make this super simple for you. I told you we are not gonna change the numbers. There are different ways you can do like, I, I don't even remember now 'cause I like to keep the same numbers or I get confused. I don't wanna think too much when I'm breathing. It's like too much, too much multitasking.
Speaker 1: (07:36)
So keep the number, the same four, hold for four, exhale for four, right? And when you exhale that four, you're ensuring that you fully empty your lungs. So make sure you're saying the Mississippi, again, we're not doing 1, 2, 3, 4 and then mm-hmm, we wanna make sure all that nasty, that negative breath is outta your body and you can suck in some new life. You're gonna repeat this deep breathing for a few minutes, focusing on your breath and nothing else. If you only have 40 seconds and you're just, you're in your cubicle and you're about to scratch someone's eyes out or whatever, first of all, maybe, maybe got some therapy if it's serious. But if you just need a little breath, take this breath, do the 4, 4, 4. And even just focusing on the numbers 4, 4, 4 is helping your brain to focus on something else. It's somewhat of a distraction to get out, pull you like out of your emotion to get what I call out of your head and into your body, right?
Speaker 1: (08:39)
So this breath work, it immediately puts you in your body. That's what I love about it. So again, this was the last thing I tried and when once I did it a few times and was like, really does work? They were not lying. Like I just hadn't been listening for how many decades probably. Um, I finally was like, man, this is like my go-to especially if I've just got a short amount of time where I wanna just decompress my brain, decompress my body, and have that immediate relief. So this breathing helps activate your body's relaxation response and that reduces that fight or flight which is associated with stress and anxiety, right? So whether you're at work, you're at home, you ran into a nasty neighbor, whatever your situation is, maybe it's dealing with that co-parent. We can we not even call 'em co-parents if they're narcissists, you're not really co-parenting, but if you have to share parenting with, of your child with a narcissist, you know that fight or flight, you know that anxiety that creeps up.
Speaker 1: (09:56)
And I know this is so important for my clients. We definitely, I we do breath work, we do meditation, we do tapping. Now we do reiki. So if you wanna work with me one-on-one, I offer all of those things. You can always email me to ask more details. And I also will always have like my regular coaching packages listed in the show notes of this podcast. So if you go to the main page of my podcast on whatever platform you scroll, not too far down, it should be pretty high up there. It'll say like, work with me or something and there will be links to the different options. I have different packages and obviously certain ones, you'll save more money if you do one call, you know it's a certain amount. If you get a whole month, you're gonna save a little money by signing up for multiple, um, because I want you to get major, major shifts quickly.
Speaker 1: (10:57)
And one session can be great, but let's be honest, a whole month is so much better and I have plenty of clients to account for that. I haveli clients that have been with me for years, there's been six months , three months or three months. It's, it's a weird word. ERs month. Yeah, month. There we go. Too many s's. Um, but it's such a journey and it's individualized. But please, if you feel like you need support in either dealing with a narcissist, maybe you don't have a narcissist in your life, but you feel like you need healing or you need guidance in any way, I do not strictly just work with narcissistic abuse victims. It is my specialty, but I run the gamut in who I help and who I help heal. So please reach out if you're on the fence or have questions. I'm here again, it's fierce mama c my email will be in the show notes.
Speaker 1: (11:56)
Um, but this is, I just wanted to throw out a quick tool that you could have in your little back pocket. That's what they say at all the meetings in corporate America. Do they stay still? Say that. Excuse me. I used to work in the television production field and I remember just cracking up every time I'd be in one of those, you know, corporate meetings. We had like three meetings a day, meetings about meetings and the, you know, they have these catchphrases and I'm like, he'd be like, alright Bill, well I'll keep that in my back pocket. I'd be like, okay Adriana, I'm going to keep that in my back pocket for next time. It was just a little catch phrase that made me giggle. So keep this in your back pocket, everybody, wherever you are. So you can take this out, 4, 4, 4, breathe in for hold for, breathe out for and repeat if you can. If you have the time, create the time. I love creating time. That's a thing. So hope you all had a fabulous last week and I hope this is a helpful tool and I will catch you in the next video. All alright, smooches and dueces.