Two British lifelong Harry Potter fans Hannah and Charlie re-read their favourite childhood book chapter by chapter with added alcohol and cynicism in fortnightly episodes! The perfect podcast for HP fans who want to revisit the story through an adult lens (AKA, NSFW), and with the added bonus of British accents, Hannah and Charlie lovingly tear apart the books pointing out plot holes, anti-feminist moments, transphobia, fat phobia, and most of all...dick jokes. A unique combination of intel ...
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JAMES CORDEN TRIGGER WARNING!!! Ep 131 - Deathly Hallows 14: Gregg 2 Electric Boogaloo
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1:36:40
SUP! Join us chatting about chapter 14 of Deathly Hallows, Beetlejuice, Go Ape, Greggs, and how terrifying cows are. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch …
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Ep 130 - Deathly Hallows 12 & 13: Kreature Shops Local
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1:40:38
Ola! We're drinking Lambrini (classy) and chatting about a heist that didn't need to happen, and crying over steak & kidney pie. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharin…
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Ep 129 - Deathly Hallows 11: Pius Is Thicccc
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1:27:20
Oh he thicccc. Join us discussing chapter 11 and taking various shots for all the deaths we've missed so far. We chat about ron being gr8, magical patriarchy, warewolf babies and most importantly - whether we're a rat or a frog. This is the guy charlie pictures as Thicknesse: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGey1YGd5/ HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnet…
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Ep 128 - Deathly Hallows 10: It’s Todd’s World, We’re Just Living In It
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1:12:46
'ello, enjoy a Todd heavy episode. Whilst Todd cruises around us, we discuss Harry having a shit day, Hermione's menstrual products, and teenage bedrooms. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Je…
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Ep 127 - Deathly Hallows 8 & 9: YMC(GAY)
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1:52:08
YYYYYMMCAAAAA! HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch - https://www.redbubble.com/people/gobletofwine/shop?asc=u www.gobletofwine.co.uk patreon.com…
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Ep 126 - Deathly Hallows 6 & 7: The Ghoul's Toupee
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1:52:55
We can't do maths. We realise it's 6. Please don't tweet us. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch - https://www.redbubble.com/people/gobletofwine/shop?asc…
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Ep 125 - Deathly Hallows 4 & 5: Ted McDreamy Tonks
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1:46:14
Happy new yearrrrrr. Join us 220 individual somethings as we discuss nostaglia, love languages, camel toe and cannabalism. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing …
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Bonus Ep - Goblet Of Mulled Wine: Charlie Abuses Todd
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Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but this episode is delightful, and since you've got nothing better to do, assault your ears, assault your ears, assault your ears HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAa…
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Ep 124 - Deathly Hallows 2 & 3: Chicken Wine
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1:55:09
Join us for the first two chapter episode in a very long time! We're discussing chapters 2&3 of deathly hallows, aka the epic info dump. Donate to Amy's fundraiser: https://gofundme.com/f/help-amy-get-ffs?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ …
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Ep 123 - Deathly Hallows 1: Slitty Little Crevice
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59:07
IT'S THE FINAL SEASONNNNNN...DUH NU NUUUUUH, DU NU NU NUHHHHH. Welcome to a shiny new GoW, we have a sexy new location, sexy new microphones, and sexy...jars full of teeth. We're chatting about memories of the last book, quaker oats, and peacocks. Also, does anyone know who the current prime minister is? Donate to Amy's fundraiser: https://gofundm…
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Ep 122 - Half Blood Prince: Howlers
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1:25:00
It's time for the episode where YOU lovely people get to yell at US! But you're all really lovely, turns out. Donate to Amy's fundraiser: https://gofundme.com/f/help-amy-get-ffs?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without…
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Ep 121 - Half Blood Prince Film: I Laughed So Hard I Queefed
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1:24:31
WE'RE BACK! After an unexpectedly long break, we're FINALLY back with the film episode! We're chatting about Argentina being in Europe, awkward laughing, Dumbledore giving Harry busy work, and laughing so hard one of us queefs. Classy. Donate to Amy's fundraiser: https://gofundme.com/f/help-amy-get-ffs?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_…
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Ep. 120 - Half Blood Prince 30: Dumbledore's Poolside Funeral
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1:10:54
Well hello again everyone. After 30 chapters we're finally at the end of Half Blood Prince, and what a journey it's been! In this episode we bash one of our favourite european nations - Germany! First we compliment their alcohol and cruely ruin it all by making jokes about German holiday-makers. We also discuss the Eras tour, how Hogwarts never run…
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Ep 119 - Half Blood Prince 29: Hogwart’s Morgue
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1:10:13
Ello ello ello. Join us as we drink Taylor Swift themed cocktails (shut up, haters) and chat about chapter 29 of the half blood prince. We discuss Dumbledore's reputation, mansplaining, and how Hogwarts definitely has a morgue. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - htt…
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Ep 118 - Half Blood Prince 28: Real Wizards Wear Long-Johns
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Hi Swifties! We *aren't* eating rotten shark, but we are eating and drinking many other Icelandic things! So join us as we discuss Neville being observant, the end of childhood, Snake's slutty little ankles, and how easy it is to kill babies. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Mast…
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Ep 117 - Half Blood Prince 27: Avoodle Kadoozle
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1:08:32
Alright guvna? Today we're drinking every fucking alcohol we own, ew. We're announcing the winners of the house cup, Hogwarts being violated, and of course, Snape Unaliving Dumbledore. HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfa…
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Ep 116 - Half Blood Prince 26: BYOB (Bring Your Own Boat) ft. Witch Please
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1:27:03
OMG it's WITCH PLEASE?! For some reason Marcelle and Hannah stooped to our level and agreed to come on Goblet of Wine, and somehow, actually lowered the tone?! Who'd have thunk it. Around some slight technical issues, we discuss Voldemort being sticky, BYOB (bring your own boat) and...anal secretions?Witch Please - https://www.ohwitchplease.ca/http…
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Ep 115 - Half Blood Prince 25: I’ve Seen Harry Potter’s Ballsack
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1:33:15
Ello ello, new episode time! We're chatting about chapter 25 of the half blood prince (eek, we're so close to the end!), about tarot cards, holocaust metaphors, and trust. Plus, Todd and Misu facetime. Awh. Get a free box of wine (and corn), using our Wine52 link! www.wine52.com/GOBLET HP TV Show Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/nohptv…
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Ep 114 - Half Blood Prince 24: Hannah Eats Charlie
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1:48:48
Bonjour, welcome back to your favourite podcast run by two fully functional alcoholics. Join us discussing chaper 24 of the half blood prince, aka unforgivable curses, nearly headless nick, and crotons. Charlie also gets stuck in some jeans, and we talk at length about our love of Notion: Sign up to Notion for free: https://affiliate.notion.so/gobl…
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Ep 113 - Half Blood Prince 23 Part 2: If I Piss, You Piss ft. Neil
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1:24:15
HOLE IN THE WALL! We're backkkk, and again, Neil is holding us at gun point and forcing us to let him guest, ew. We're talking about prophecies and the 'chosen one', how fantasy should always have a massive worm, love being lame, and how many vegetables you can hold at once (no, this isn't a euphemism). Petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions…
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Ep 112 - Half Blood Prince 23 Part 1: Charlie Eats Corn ft. Neil (ew)
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1:20:45
Ello ello. We're back...and unfortunately, Neil is back too! He's weaselled his way onto the podcast again. And he forced us to drink Dragon Soop, the bastard. We're chatting about Snugglehorn, how Voldemort should have been minister for magic, how much soul he has, and then eventually Charlie gets distracted by corn and stops contributing to the e…
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Ep 111 - Half Blood Prince 22: Draco’s Lost His Tits
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1:30:52
Ooooh shiny new camera! Wooo! Shiny new episode! Wooo! Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch - https://www.redbubble.com/people/gobletofwine/shop?asc=u www.gobletofwine.co.uk patreon.com/gobletofwine Twitter.com/gobletofwinepod In…
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Ep 110 - Half Blood Prince 21: Sarah J Maas Might Be A Furry
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Welcome back to YET ANOTHER VIDEO PODCAST! Yes, we're still really excited about this. We're chatting chapter 21 of Half Blood Prince, about Roonil Waslib, Harry being a nonce that's good at owning slaves, and not fucking your cousin. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrN…
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Ep 109 - Half Blood Prince 20: Hand Puppet Penis
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1:24:53
Welcome to our MOST EXCITING EPISODE EVER! We're celebrating the biggest, most exciting thing that's ever happened to Goblet Of Wine. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch - https://www.redbubble.com/people/gobletofwine/shop?asc=u…
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Ep 108 - Half Blood Prince 19: I Will Go Down With This Ship
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1:06:13
LOOK! IT'S OUR SEXY, SEXY FACES! HOW LUSH! Unless you're not listening to this via Spotify, in which case, why not. Or YouTube. Get with the times! When we aren't gazing lovingly into each others eyes (which you can see for once!!) we're discussing chapter 19 of the half blood prince. Charlie sings a beautiful rendition of Spider In The Bath, and t…
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Ep 107 - Half Blood Prince 18: Em’s Not A Nice Person
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1:43:41
WE'RE BACK BABY! In today's episode we are POISONED by a VILE Canadian CUNT called Em, who made us drink a drink sooo vile that we for the first time ever couldn't drink it. Aka a Ceaser. When we aren't gagging, we talk about chapter 18 of Goblet Of Fire, bathroom cabinets, slughorn's singing abilities, bad teaching and Neville's assless chaps.Enjo…
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Bonus Ep - Goblet Of Mulled Wine: It's Christmas, Fuck John Mayor
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IT'S CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! It's time for a 5th Christmas special and this year we're back with writing bad fanfiction using patreon prompts. This year we're drinking hot mulled balsams while making mad stories about the scarf of sexual preference, hot crocs, defiling the sorting hat, and the worst Christmas song you've ever heard in your …
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Ep 106 - Half Blood Prince 17: Everyone Loves A Sexy Orphan
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1:20:51
Hello hello! In today's episode we're discussing chapter 17 of Half Blood Prince, and Hannah gets herself cancelled by talking about how sexy children are, specifically, orphans. We also drink Balsams gifted to us by a Patreon Alex, and attempt to speak Latvian in his honour. Orphan guy: www.tiktok.com/@isaach.p Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding J…
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Ep 105 - Half Blood Prince 16: Harry's Maggot Hair
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1:20:11
Happy December everyone! Today we're drinking some fancy milky liquid and risking the fact Charlie might sh*t herself mid-episode. In this episode we begin to get a bit festive, discuss werewolf representation, how inventing spells actually works, and everyone's favourite fun topic ... war propaganda? Oh and Fred's wonderful buttock. History & Folk…
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Ep 104 - Half Blood Prince 15: Unicum
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Üdvözöljük! Today's episode is dedicated to the lovely Dorka (and the country of Hungary) who provided us with one of this episodes alcohols, and also very kindly voice noted in for us. In today's episode, as well as offending the entire country of Hungary, we discuss chapter 15 of the half blood prince. We chat about Christmas, Danielle Radcliffe …
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Ep 103 - Half Blood Prince 14: Eat The Fucking Canaries ft. Swish & Flick
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The *longest* awaited collab - we're FINALLY sitting down and chatting with Meg & Kate from Swish & Flick! We're drinking Schofferhofer and chatting about chapter 14 of Half Blood Prince. We're discussing Ron & Hermione's romance, gamp's law again, and male emotions. https://www.swishflickcast.com/ Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist -…
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Ep 102 - Half Blood Prince 13: For Alex
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This episode is dedicated to Alex, a member of our community who sadly passed away last year. Our fundraiser for Mermaids is linked below. Content warnings: Suicide & transphobia - 11 minutes to 17:15, and 44:55 to 47 Wretching noises - 19:30 to 24:30 Mermaids Fundraiser for Alex - https://www.gofundme.com/f/2s554-in-memory-of-alex The Gayly Prophe…
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Ep 101 - Half Blood Prince 12: Virgin And Buried ft. The Gayly Prophet
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1:11:52
Hello hello! In today's episode we're *finally* sitting down with Lark and Jessie from The Gayly Prophet to discuss chapter 12 of The Half Blood Prince. We're drinking Orange Blossom's and talking about drunk McGonagall, how inventing spells work, and the invisible curriculum. The Gayly Prophet - https://hashtagruthless.com/ Enjoy Harry Potter With…
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Ep 100 - Half Blood Prince 11: LIVE FROM LEAKYCON! - Disgusting Creature & Where To Discover Them
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100TH EPISODE! We did this 100 times and NO ONE STOPPED US! Including the Leakycon staff who LET US DO IT LIVE AT LEAKYCON! Join us live as we discuss chapter 11, quidditch tryouts, Harry trampling first years, Hagrid, and time turners. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQF…
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Ep 99 - Half Blood Prince 10: I Don’t Care If They’re Stuck In The Washing Machine, Put Your Penis Away
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1:38:45
Oooh, what's occur gin? HELLO! We're back for our first episode post-Leaky! We're doing our Leakycon recap as well as discussing chapter 10 of Half-Blood Prince. We're talking about how incest is bad (shocking I know), Bob's big dick energy, the Pensieve auto-playing, love potions, and how Voldemort is a cranky dude who loves murder. Content Warnin…
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Ep 98 - Half Blood Prince 9: Mr Big Schlong ft. Nikita
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2:38:19
Welcome welcome to another guest episode! This week we're chatting to our friend Nikita about chapter 9 whilst drinking Pimms in excruciating heat. We discuss body fluids, school timetables and free periods, Ron side-kicking, genetics, and overall poor teaching. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets…
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Ep 97 - Half Blood Prince 8: Tubby Custard Love
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ELLO ELLO! We drank Amortentia and we didn't fall in love! Hurray! In today's episode we're inventing amortentia drinks and chatting about patronuses, non-uniform day, and the ever-changing layout of the great hall. Leakycon Schedule: http://www.leakycon.com/orlando-2022-schedule/ Leakycon Tickets (use code GOBLET for $10 off): https://www.showclix…
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Ep 96 - Half Blood Prince 7: Possessed By A Seagull
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1:26:03
It's been months since we recorded, we are back and we're drinking tubby custard (or amaretto sours as it's also known). In this episode, we talk about chapter 7 of Half Blood Prince, with added eggs, Harry's incredible character growth (sometimes), how hot Blaise Zabini is and how much everyone dunks on Tonks. Leakycon Schedule: http://www.leakyco…
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Ep 95 - Half Blood Prince 6: Big Nose Sexy Man
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1:30:32
We're back, and just us! In today's episode we're covering chapter 6 of HBP, and talking about the weird people we fancy, Hermione's parents, how we fall asleep tonight, and LOVE POTIONS! Content Warning: 57 minutes - rape Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6o…
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Ep 94 - Half Blood Prince 5 (Part 2): Harry’s Morning Wood ft. Flyte
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1:00:41
Hello and welcome back to another episode with Will & Nick from Flyte! We are *ridiculously* smashed in this episode, so slurring our way through the rest of chapter five, talking about Harry's boner, exam results, Fleur, and Mollywobbles. Fltye's music - https://open.spotify.com/artist/3ZKyADicHqelBDeADLutiu?si=W5QgbxigRvuU6QZShs4t0A Flyte's Insta…
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Ep 93 - Half Blood Prince 5 (Part 1): Just Blow On It, You're A Wizard! ft. Flyte
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1:11:06
Well Hey, Hi and Hello it's time for episode 93! In today's episode we're joined by the wonderful band Flyte to discuss a very small amount of Chapter 5 - An Excess of Phlegm. We discuss the word phlegm, Hermione's apparent lack of parents, really hot soup and get beautifully serenaded by Will and Nick. Fltye's music - https://open.spotify.com/arti…
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Ep 92 - Half Blood Prince 4: Horace Slughorn Is In Your Walls
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1:21:33
WE HAVE SOME NEWS! And also...a new episode. Join us as we reveal what we've been teasing for *ages* and talk about Slughorn being everyone's racist uncle and what we'd do in a zombie apocalypse.Content Warning: SA 52:00-54:00Use code 'GOBLET' for $10 off your LeakyCon tickets: http://www.leakycon.com/Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlis…
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Ep 91 - Half Blood Prince 3: Hannah Drinks Covid & Fecal Matter
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1:14:25
Velkommen tilbake til en ny episode! I dagens episode fornærmer vi hele Norge, Hannah drikker COVID og fekal materie, vi diskuterer å nå en million nedlastinger og snakker om å besøke farealliert. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing T…
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Ep 90 - Half Blood Prince 2: For Abby
1:22:47
1:22:47
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Kedvelt
1:22:47
This episode is dedicated to Abby. Gofundme - https://www.gofundme.com/f/christopher-graf-education-fund?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterlist - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19H9-NRMfaISLNMAaLSssQFrNy8dUTR3Jeq6oioK4OwQ/edit?usp=sharing Merch - https://ww…
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Ep 89 - Half Blood Prince 1: Really Dangerous Soup
1:04:45
1:04:45
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Kedvelt
1:04:45
SZN SIX BBY! We're kicking off Half-Blood Prince drinking jam out of a teapot (ofc) and encouraging you not to engage with JK Rowling's content. We 👏 don't 👏 support 👏 terfs 👏 on 👏 this 👏 podcast 👏. We're discussing our memories of book 6 whilst reading one of our favourite chapters, The Other Minister. Enjoy Harry Potter Without Funding JK Masterl…
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Ep 88 - Order of the Phoenix: Reading Our Howlers
1:28:34
1:28:34
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1:28:34
What's this?! A new episode format, wow! We're wrapping up season 5 of the podcast with a first-ever listener phone in episode! A GIANT thank you to Alex, Anna, Arthur, Cameron, Indiana, Jessica, Klaudia, Mark, Megan, Nahima, Nicole, Olivia, Rachel, Rhiannon, Spencer, Sunny, Uncle A for their howlers. Merch www.gobletofwine.co.uk patreon.com/goblet…
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Ep 87 - Order of the Phoenix Film: He's Really Proud Of His Owls Ft. Conor
1:39:53
1:39:53
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1:39:53
It's film episode timeeeee. Featuring...A WHITE MAN! *gasp* Yup, y'all get to 'meet' Charlie's BF Conor, what a big step, wow. We chat about the Order Of The Pheonix film whilst drinking some bastardised Guiness drinks and about Ron being minimised, fake feet, and Harry's owl drawings. Conor's writing on No Sleep Podcast - https://open.spotify.com/…
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Ep 86 - Order of the Phoenix 38: Insert Speculum, Twist Speculum
1:18:12
1:18:12
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1:18:12
IT'S THE FINAL CHAPTERRRR! That's right we've *finally* finished Order of the Pheonix, and it only took us...two years? Strap in for us drinking Guinness, announcing the winner of the house cup, talking about Harry finding the mirror, Luna being bullied, Ginny being a slut, and answering the funniest end of episode question we've ever had. Wanna se…
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Ep 85 - Order of the Phoenix 37: “Gaslight, Girlboss, Gatekeep” - Dumbledore
1:45:23
1:45:23
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1:45:23
Strap yourselves in for a lomg but gud episode! We're chatting about the cluster fuck that is chapter 37 whilst drinking Cranberry Vodka. So settle in as we discuss Phineas being a gossiping homosexual, Harry never asking about his parents, Dumbledore's porn addiction, and how shit the epilogue is. Hannah goes full Hannah and has made an entirely t…
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Ep 84 - Order of the Phoenix 36: Guess Who’s Back
1:11:30
1:11:30
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1:11:30
We're backkkkk! And we missed youuuuu. After taking a (short) break to get on top of things (aka emotionally recover from Sirius' death), we're back and we're drinking THE WORST THING WE'VE EVER DRUNK ON THE PODCAST! Once we finished gagging, we chatted about Andrew Scott, Name Of The Wind, Harry being gay for Sirius (RIP), Mad Eye and Tonks, and B…
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