I help you break free of shame and unwanted behaviors like porn addiction. Quitting porn is not so much about stopping the behavior itself, but discovering the underlying reasons you're seeking it out in the first place. In my porn recovery program, I teach you the reasons you became addicted, powerful methods to break free from porn addiction, and help you discover not only sobriety, but long-lasting peace.
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For those who are looking to gain traction and momentum as they move away from the destructive effects of porn and porn behaviors and pursue the life and relationships they dream of.
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My name is Bulumko Papu (you can call me Bullz). This is a podcast about porn addiction recovery. Here I talk about tips and tricks that can help you on your recovery journey. Ill be sharing my story and the things I've learnt in my own journey as well.
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50: 3 Mental Habits to Quit Porn: The Recovery Mindset
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So you’ve got this monkey on your back. It keeps interrupting your life. You’ve been taught some mental habits to quit porn, but none of them seem to help. You’re tired of being addicted to porn. It increases your anxiety, it decreases your ability to connect with others, you feel more depressed, you don’t feel as motivated or driven. It’s sucking …
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Ep. 128 - My Favorite Recovery Practice
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Vern Tompke által
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Ep. 127 - How we do Life
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When most of us started recovery we thought we needed to just tweak a few things so that stopped our problematic porn patterns. What we soon find, however, is that recovery is a window into the disfynctional way we have been doing our lives and a springboard into a whole new set into new life patterns! If you are looking for a safe place to turn to…
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Ep. 126 - Porn Drive versus Sex Drive
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Is our porn drive the same as our sex drive? In this episode Vern explores the differences between the two and how returning to our normal sex drive is the goal of our porn recovery. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly finding traction groups usi…
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49: Porn Addiction is Just a Symptom
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Today I want to talk about a lie that we're told about porn addiction. We're often told that addiction is just a bad habit, that we need to abstain from it, get over our impulsivity, and just say no to the cravings and urges. But let me tell you, that's a bunch of crap. Overcoming porn addiction isn't just about saying no to the habit; it's about d…
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48: Feeling Bad About Porn Makes You Crave It Even More | How Shame Intensifies Porn Addiction
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How can feeling bad about porn addiction make you more likely to seek it out? Do you ever wonder how you could possibly want to stop watching porn so bad, yet the worse you feel about it the more you seem to “want” it? Does it seem strange that you could feel so negative about something, and yet crave the heck out of it at the same time? You think,…
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47: Overcome Porn Addiction Using Nutrition with Jordan Gundersen, Master Herbalist with Health Saves
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Porn addiction is a struggle for many today. Finding ways to break free of porn can feel confusing and overwhelming, as we aren’t sure where to start. One method of overcoming addiction that is gaining traction is nutrition. In episode 47 of No More Desire, hosted by me (Jake Kastleman), we turn the spotlight to the intersection of nutrition, menta…
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Ep. 125 - Recovery Drift
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Anybody who has been at porn recovery for a while can identify with the natural drift that can take place. When we take our hands off the steering wheel - this drift can lead us into the ditch or into oncoming traffic! If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer bot…
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46: Things To Do Every Day to Help You Stay Clean
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I recently received this question from one of my listeners: “I’m trying to break free from porn. What are some key things I can do throughout the day so that when it comes to the time I get home I’m not tempted beyond what I can handle? I know the Bible says that I will never be tempted beyond what I can bear but sometimes I feel like I can’t beat …
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Most of us would like to reverse engineer our last relapse so it doesn't happen again. In this episode Vern looks at the idea of 3 different dimensions of a relapse and how to reverse anticipate what will take place when we are drawn to porn the next time. In today's lesson we also introduce our brand new Finding Traction Community for those who su…
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Ep. 123 - Recovery Doldrums
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What happens when life feels "Meh..." Today we talk about the term recovery doldrums - the feeling that you could use a pick me up to compensate for feeling "off". In today's lesson we also introduce our brand new Finding Traction Community for those who subscribe for $10/month. On the last Sunday night of each month we will be offering our subscri…
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45: How to Stop Cravings & Fantasizing
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Do you wish you felt in control? Are you tired of experiencing porn cravings everyday? Today, we’re going to talk about how to stop cravings and fantasizing so you can overcome porn addiction for good. I remember what it felt like dealing with non-stop cravings and wondering if I’d ever get better. I remember feeling out of control and hopeless. No…
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Ep. 122 - The Critical Stages of Recovery
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Is there as way to look at our recovery in a series of stages. In this episode Vern looks at some of the stages common to recovery, how we can get stuck at any one stage, and how we can proceed to truly walking a life of freedom and blessing. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.car…
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44: Why Porn Addiction Destroys Motivation and What to Do About It
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Today, I’m going to teach you why porn addiction destroys motivation, and what you can do about it. During the decade I struggled with addictions to porn and masturbation, I constantly regretted how I was squandering my potential. I felt like the times I was clean of porn I could do pretty well in life - I was productive in school, at work, my rela…
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43: Ease Stress in 5 Steps
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One of the main reasons that we struggle with porn addiction is we have not yet learned how to manage stress effectively. Managing stress is not an easy task, especially with how many challenging emotions and decisions face us today. Most people are more stressed than they’ve ever been, with the political, economic, and societal context. But all th…
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Ep. 121 - If Relapse is Forgetting then...
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There is a funny super bowl ad that says to remember something you need to forget something. In this podcast Vern talks about the role that forgetting plays in our relapses and the need to bring specific things to mind. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you are …
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42: Dependence, INdependence, INTERdependence
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Are you trying to quit porn for yourself, or for others? Should you be motivated to stop watching porn for your spouse? Your kids? For another family member or a friend? Sometimes we addicts can rely heavily upon others - to an unhealthy extent. Or, we can completely isolate ourselves, trying to do everything on our own. When it comes to our attitu…
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Ep. 120 - Intensive Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty
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When I tell guys about what caused a tipping point in my recovery - I often forget to include an event that helped cement some of the recovery changes that were happening. In this episode I explore the value of that experience by inviting Daugherty of Be Broken Ministry to discuss what can be an invaluable recovery experience - the Intensive. If yo…
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41: What the Stoics Teach Us About Recovery | Marcus Aurelius and the Meditations
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How can the teachings of the Stoics help us overcome porn addiction? Stoicism is a moral philosophy for how to live a good life. Sometimes we make the mistake of believing stoicism is all about being serious and having no emotion. Being “stoic”, right? This has little to do with what Stoicism actually is. We also make the assumption that stoicism, …
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Ep. 119 - Mission Impossible - Mission Accomplished
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There are two opposite ditches we can get into when we are walkg out our recovery. One is the despair (Mission Impossible) that creeps in when we relapse or fail to live up to the best hopes of our intentions. The other is the over confidence (Mission Accomplished) that we want to leap to when we are having a few good days or weeks! In this episode…
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Ep. 118 - Random Winter Recovery Thoughts
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Being at home on a "snow day" gives you time to think. In this episode Vern talks about how to "keep your road clean" as well as the NFL advice given to it's new rookies "Nothing good happens after midnight". If you want to connect with Vern about the finding traction course, joining one of the Traction groups or just have a zoom call with him to g…
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40: 5 Steps to Bounce Back After a Slip/Relapse with Porn
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When you slip up with porn addiction, are you able to bounce back? Or do you spiral? Is a slip a learning experience for you? Or does it come out of nowhere and you have no clue how to prevent it in the future? Today, I’ll give you the formula for turning a slip or relapse - what can be a hopeless, negative experience - into a springboard for recov…
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Ep. 117 - Erectile Dysfunction and the Dallas Cowboys
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Ever heard about PIED? - it stands for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. In this episode Vern explores a not so fun topic through making fun of his anemic football team's playoff performance. To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. As he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making…
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39: Video Games and Porn Addiction
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Do you have an issue with porn addiction and video game addiction? If so, you’re not alone, my friend. I used to have both of these addictions, and I’ve known many men (and some women) who have struggled with these as well. Video games and porn go hand-in-hand. And I’m not talking about the simple fact that video games have sexual content in them s…
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Ep. 116 - 12 Rules for Recovery
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It is popular these day to write a "12 rules for Life" to try to replicate the success that Jordan Peterson had in his book (whatever you think of him). In this episode Vern shares a fun rule from Malcolm Gladwell's 12 rules and then gives his own shot at writing 12 rules for recovery. To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care…
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Ep. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?
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As we head into 2024 Vern shares about a tool that has been helpful for him as he starts out a brand new year. It just so happens that this one leads Vern into making changes that are long overdue! To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. As he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at m…
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38: Take it Easy and Overcome Porn Addiction
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Do you ever feel high-strung? Do you ever have spinning or obsessive thoughts? Do you ever feel unable to quiet your mind and just relax? To overcome porn addiction, we need to learn to “take it easy”. But what does that even mean? How do we do that, and how does it help with porn addiction? Listen to today’s episode to find out. For those who feel…
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37: Mindset Shift: 3 Thought Strategies to Beat Porn Addiction
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Do you have incessant cravings for porn lately? In this episode, you'll learn 3 Mindset Strategies to Beat Porn Addiction. Do you feel like once you’ve started craving you have no choice but to give in to porn addiction eventually? Even if you make it a day, a week, or a month, does failure seem inevitable? You want to stop so bad, but you’ve lost …
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Ep. 114 - Mulligan Thinking
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In golf, a Mulligan is a do-over where you pretend that you're last shot never happened! What are the ways that mulligan thinking gets in the way of us progressing toward health and wholeness in our recovery? This is an especially important podcast as we near the end of the year! To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail…
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Ep. 113 - Stuff is Getting Better
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To quote Kevin Costner from the Postman - "is stuff getting better" for you in your recovery? In today's episode Vern explores a number of ways that we can determine if we are growing and moving forward in our recovery - or stalled out and stuck. To connect with Vern you can email him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com or check out the website for fu…
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36: My Spouse & I Just Fought. I Feel Triggered. How Do I Stay Clean?
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How do I come out of an argument with my spouse and NOT relapse? For many of the men that I’ve spoken to, they can get really triggered to go to their porn addiction after an argument or a fight with their spouse. It’s super common. Today, I want to talk about why fights or arguments can be so triggering for us to go look at porn - leading to slips…
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35: Winter Blues: Staying Sober During the Holidays
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Do you feel like the holidays should be a happy time, but for you it’s a really triggering time for your addiction? Do you feel like the winter drives you to engage with your pornography addiction or another addiction more, and that cravings are worse during the winter? We’re going to talk about these things today, and some strategies you can use t…
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Ep. 112 - When Can I Check This Off?
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It makes a huge difference whether you see your recovery as a project to complete or a process (or way of living). In this episode Vern outlines the difference and how this makes a major difference on the way we experience recovery hope for the long haul. To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. As he mentions regu…
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Ep. 111 - How "Ish" is your Recovery?
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Recently a politician covered over a lie he made about his heritage saying he never said he was Jewish - he only said he was Jew-ish. "Ish" is a word which means we are not quite something or the other. We can also be "ish" in our recovery in ways that sabotoge our desires to be free from porn. This podcast explores some of those ways. To contact V…
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34: 4 Simple Practices to Overcome Addiction Cravings
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When porn cravings hit, what do you do? Do you fight the porn addiction? Resist it? Try to just not think about it and distract yourself? I’m here to tell you that none of these options work. At least not long-term. Willpower is finite. It runs out. To overcome porn addiction requires a completely different approach. So what can you do instead? Tod…
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Ep. 110 - Lessons from Rutting Season
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Are you a deer hunter? I'm not. But one of the guys I coach is and he shares some fascinating and fun parallels with things he learned in deer hunting which specifically apply to our journey away from porn. After all who wants to end up on someone's trophy wall! To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. As he mentio…
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Ep. 109 - Recovery Gratitude
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One of the absolutely central toos to move forward in your recovery is to combat discontentment through the practise of gratitude. This podcasts gives you some pratical handles for how to grow in your recovery gratitude. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out…
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33: What God Thinks of Porn Addicts
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What does God think of porn addicts? As someone who struggles with porn addiction, do you ever feel like God is punishing you for your mistakes? Do you feel like He looks down on you? You aren’t alone in these feelings. Pretty much every addict goes through them. Pretty much EVERY PERSON goes through them. When we can’t quit porn, we often believe …
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Ep. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark Denison
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Vern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient themselves on a daily basis. In this podcast Vern interviews Mark as they dive into some of these rules (at least the ones that Vern especially loves!) If you want to connect with Vern directly - you c…
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32: Using Mindfulness to Overcome Addiction
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You’ve probably heard that mindfulness helps with addiction - being present, enjoying the moment, getting in tune with your senses. But you’ve probably found it difficult to implement mindfulness in your daily life, and fail to see how using mindfulness to overcome addiction really works. I get that. Today, I’m going to talk about discoveries that …
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Ep. 107 - Whiteknuckling vs. Sobriety
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Recovery is a lot more than simply not looking at porn. In fact there can be a sort of psuedo recovery which is really just a form of abstinence or "whiteknuckling it". In this podcast Vern explores the difference between true Recovery (or Serenity) and the type of recovery that leaves you simply trying to "hang on"! If you want to connect with Ver…
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31: John Canaan - Love vs. Control | The path of healing in marriage and in the world
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In this episode from the No More Desire Podcast, my friend John Canaan and I (Jake Kastleman) talk about overcoming the desire to control; putting aside the ego to improve marriage and relationships, overcome addictions, and just live an overall more excellent life! John hits the nail on the head, talking about specific methods to heal marriage and…
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Ep. 106 - When Resentment Comes Knocking
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Anybody who is in a relationship knows something about resentments. Resentments are especially dangerous because they give us permision or a sense of entitlement to go back to porn. In this podcast Vern explores how we can combat the sort of relational resentments that leave us vulnerable to returning to our life of porn. If you want to connect wit…
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30: Overcome Social Anxiety: 5 Simple Mental Techniques
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I was talking with a friend of mine the other day - a fellow recovering addict - and I was sharing about my past with addiction and how social anxiety was a big struggle in my life and actually fueled my addiction - in other words, I went to addiction in order to cope with the immense amount of nervousness and fear I felt in relationships and socia…
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Ep. 105 - Today could be the day (I look at porn)
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No matter how far down the road you travel - the ditch is still the same distance away! This is a podcast about combatting the complacency or over-confidence that sets us up for failure in our continued journey toward a better life. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want …
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Ep. 29: A Change of Heart
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How do we lose the desire for addiction? Is it possible? During the decade I spent addicted to porn, I dreamed of a day I could finally be free of the chains of addiction. That I could finally have my confidence around women back That I could finally be free of the social anxiety I suffered with That I could finally have my motivation and drive bac…
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Ep. 104 - Control Freak
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At it's core - many of our porn behaviors are an attempt to control everything around us - something which is unhelpful and ultimately fruitless. This is a podcast about recognizing our inner "control freak" and what to do about it. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want …
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Ep. 28: My Conversion & Recovery Story | How I Quit Porn with God's Help
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I’m going to tell you how I quit porn. I’ll talk about some very crucial turning points in my life that led to both my porn addiction recovery (and recovery from other addictions) as well as my conversion to Jesus Christ. I grew up in a Christian family - traditional Christian values, parents dedicated to their faith, very conservative. Porn, to sa…
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Ep. 27 To Resist. To Accept. | A Simple, Daily Practice to Overcome Porn Addiction
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I received a question from one of my clients this past week about what I really mean when I say porn addiction comes from resistance, and how resistance leads to addiction. I wanted to address that question directly this week. It can be very challenging to overcome porn addiction. In part, this is because pornography addiction masks many underlying…
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Ep. 103 - The First 100 - Looking Back
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Hard to believe but there are now over 100 episodes of Finding Traction! In this episode Vern talks about some of the episodes that have elicited the greatest reaction and response. This is a helpful episode if you are new in the podcast and want to try a few episodes to whet your appetite. If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contac…
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